Me and my SO live together and sometimes we have fights and arguments, this time when she rose her voice one of neighbours said "its just early morning!" (it wasn't it was 10 a.m!) I know it was our fault but the fact that I couldn't clapback its bothering me her even though I had lotta things that i could say , in this moments I freeze and I hate it how to break it?
3 comments
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Having fights and arguments is the real issue here.
Honestly, freezing may be the healthy thing here. Often times during fights people say things that they can’t take back. Having a reaction to freeze and not clapback is better than “spitting verbal venom.”
That said, taking a moment to find an adult way of handling a fight is also healthy. Freezing and then saying something like: “We are both passionate about [insert topic.] I may have lots of hurtful things to say, but I want to be able to have this argument in a calm and mature manner instead of yelling or being childish/hurtful. Can we come back to this discussion once we both cool off so we don’t say harmful things?”
This statement offers an immediate solution to diffuse the situation, but also offers an opportunity to return to the topic at hand, at some point in the near future. (Perhaps each of you write your points down, and then return to the conversation after dinner, or at a convenient time for both of you.)
Ultimately, it’s on you how you respond to a situation, and you have no control of what your partner says. Sometimes saying nothing is better than saying something, but an attempt at diffusing the current situation while offering a chance to return to it at a mature time/manner is also an appropriate option.