Ever since I've met my husband, he basically has had a constant sting of bad things happen in his life. He's from a high crime area so one big thkng is he has friends/family pass away frequently. Like almost 1 person a month frequently. His mother passed away about 2 months ago. They had a rocky relationship but she was the only person who was really ever there for him. Before she passed they finally talked about their issues and forgave each other for all the stuff they went through as a family (a lot of really bad stuff also) then when she passed away its like they didnt even get to experience their relationship after forgiving each other. Its been understandably really hard on him. We just had a baby 1 week ago and we both cried because he didnt have anyone to call and tell. It broke my heart for him. I feel so bad for him all the time. I love him to death but he really has had such a hard life. Me on the other hand, i havent been through much outside of bad relationships. Im really close to my family and siblings. We talk pretty much every single day. I try not to bother my husband with my problems because i know he has enough to deal with. I can go to my family with my stresses for the most part.
Now that the baby is here, Ive been really emotional. I feel like I want comforting from my husband but he mentally cant do that for me. I feel bad even wanting it. I know my family is here for me but I want him to be here for me. And its not like hes just gone or anything. He is here but hes been drinking more to block our some of his pain. Its not really a problem at this point but I am afraid it could go that way if hes not careful. Idk I feel bad even saying all of this. It feels like its not fair to him to deal with my emotions right now. It just sucks always having to be the strong one. Its gotten to the point where I just pretend my problems aren't there and I avoid them fully because I feel like I need to be strong for him. When he makes me upset, i usually just pretend everything is fine to avoid it fully. I guess I just dont know what to do or how to feel. Shoukd i just keep doing it how I am and suck it up? Should I just accept that my family is going to have to be my only support?
2 comments
Don’t “suck” it. This is a time of mutual mercy. Treat your feelings as important, and encourage your husband to get the help he desperately needs. You are not responsible for his recovery, but you are a partner who can support him on a healing journey, while taking care of yourself and your child.
OP, your feelings matter too you shouldn’t have to “suck it up.” Be there for your husband, but encourage him to seek help while also leaning on your family for support. This should be a time of mutual healing, not you carrying everything alone.