My husband (37m) and I (37f) have been married for 9 years as of 2 weeks ago, together on and off since 2005. We met in high school and outside of a small break in college, have been together ever since. We've been through just about everything together, and have come out the other side seemingly choosing the other.
I recently found out that my husband has had an OnlyFans account for a few years, and has been spending thousands on subs and custom content a year.
To clarify, I have no problem with porn. It's normal, in moderation, and can even be a fun addition to spice things up. My problem with this is, he's constantly telling me he has no money, that we need to cut back on spending, and recently rather than splitting our dogs emergency vet bill, I ended up putting the whole thing on my credit card. He makes ~$100k+ a year, I make ~$60k. To be told all this and then come across proof of him spending carelessly on sex workers is truly devastating.
Finding this out has felt like an absolute gut punch. I've known for 4 days, and in those 4 days I've gone through the entire range of emotions one human could possibly feel. He doesn't know that I know, and I haven't the faintest idea how I'll approach this.
I really thought that our marriage was in a great spot. We'd worked really hard to get to where we are right now, as I struggled for many years with an undiagnosed mental illness and alcoholism, and he's suffered massive depression after the tragic passing of his father years ago. I've been sober for over 3 years, I'm in therapy and finally have not only a diagnosis but control of my life. We adopted a dog together a few months ago, which is his first fur baby, so that learning experience has been fun.
Everything felt amazing, until it very suddenly wasn't.
Edit: Thank you, kind redditors. I've gone through and read every single response. I have responded to as many as I can mentally handle. I've taken all of your words, your perspectives and your advice in, and am currently just processing it all. Some of you may think I am naive for wanting to put in work to try and fix this, and some of you are hell bent on divorce. All valid responses, imo. This topic is so personal, and so sensitive, that there's any number of ways I can go. I'll update as I can, but for now, I just need to sit with my emotions and plan what the hell I'm going to do from here. Once again, thank you ❤️🩹