I (F22) had been dating (M24) since April of this year (but we’ve known each other since the end of 2023). We hung out a little bit at the beginning of last year before I decided we’d be better off remaining as friends, then blocked him due to obvious resentment and spiteful comments towards me thereafter. We reconnected this year though, and I felt like he had changed and being romantically involved this time might be okay. I was wrong.
A few weeks ago, we were eating at a chicken place and I noticed he had something going on with his bottom teeth. I knew they were really crooked before this moment, but I couldn’t tell in this moment if it was just chicken pieces lodged in between them because of the position of them or if it was tartar/plaque. I was going to try figuring it out by saying I thought he had some food in his teeth, but felt the moment of opportunity passed by the time I was mentally processing it all so just made a mental note to try to peep it again at a different time. But before I had to kiss him again.
We work together (ik big mistake 😭) and while working together since the initial incident, I realized it wasn’t food… it was tartar build up. I tried to figure out a way to politely and gently bring it up and had so much anxiety about doing so. He worked the next shift after the one we had just worked so I felt it would be better to send him a text after he finished his second shift and not bring that up right beforehand. I wait until I know he’s off and text asking if I can bring up something to him. He replies I could so I start off saying “I mean this in the gentlest way” and continue saying how at first I thought maybe it was food but then realized it didn’t look like it was that. And that I know that might be something that’s hard to stay on top of or maybe financially inconvenient but provided resources that help for free. I also mentioned how my teeth aren’t perfect or anything either to not make it seem like I was coming for him.
He got madddd. He replied “mf just told me to brush my teeth. Yeah you got it.” Then confirmed his dentist said it was tartar/calculus and continued on about how he does get them cleaned, but “hasn’t for some months now” so that’s why the tartar is visible but thanks for bringing up his insecurity. He immediately shut down the convo for the night by saying, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Then first thing he sent the next day was “Since we’re bringing up things gently, you have dry hands and need to use more lotion. 🤣” Which was wild to me because the day before this, he ALSO showed me how dry and white-creviced HIS hands were… he had tartar and dry hands in the same day. And still no mention of a game plan for the tartar or even a reason as to why/how he let it get so bad. Just deflection. Mind you, I never even “told him to go brush his teeth” because I already knew that level of tartar could only be solved by a dentist. I sent some final messages to him then immediately blocked him… Again. And realized that he genuinely is just always going to struggle with having difficult conversations of things that bruise his ego (whether intentionally or not).
I just don’t understand why he’s mad at ME that he has tartar in HIS mouth. He’s been kissing me with that! Talking about eating me out with that! And talking about taking my virginity with all that (which I’m so grateful we never got to either of those points). Sometimes I would taste something off when we’d kiss but I assumed it was food because any time we’d be making out would be after dates… Once when we french-kissed, my tongue ran along something on his bottom teeth on accident and It felt sharp and threw me off but I thought it was just his teeth. I felt so sick to my stomach once I saw that months after the fact. And it’s like he cared more about the fact he was embarrassed over anything else. I’ve told him I have immune issues and knowing he had all that bacteria caked into his mouth and felt that was okay is just so shocking to me. I know he said it’s been “some months” but I don’t even believe it’s been that recently either because he hasn’t gone since we’ve started dating, and by the looks of it, it doesn’t even look like he’s gone months before we started dating either.
I feel mad at myself too that I didn’t notice earlier!! I knew that his bottom teeth were really crooked so I feel like him being tall + certain angles/afar it just looked like his teeth? I feel like I would’ve noticed earlier but I really mostly saw him at night or would be walking/talking side by side to him and either way he doesn’t really talk in a way that exposes his bottom teeth often. But yeah. Idk if there was a better way to handle this but ghosting and blocking him without at least communicating felt wrong, and I genuinely thought having a convo about it, he’d WANT to fix it. I’ve learned to trust my initial gut feeling because he never should’ve been unblocked from the first bad experience I had with him.