I’ve struggled with my mental health for years following an abusive relationship but have always always stayed in work since I was old enough to. I actually have a pretty good job and the people are nice but I can’t keep this up. I’ve had counselling 3 times, I’ve tried 3 different types of anti-depressants, I’ve reached out for support from family and work but things aren’t getting any better. In the past three years at my current job I’ve probably been off for stress on 2-3 occasions. I can’t keep doing this. I find it really embarrassing and I don’t even like showing my face around colleagues.
I’m really struggling to keep my performance above board. Some weeks I do great others not so much. I work myself into a constant state of anxiety about work. I struggle to leave the house and go in and am borderline agoraphobic. I struggle to even keep on top of my home. I’m exhausted all the time, my body feels weak, I hardly eat, and I’m constantly getting stuck in disturbing thought loops about harming myself. I’m reaching breaking point.
I don’t have a lot going for me except my career so I’m not taking this lightly at all but I think I need to leave and get myself better. I don’t mean a little 2 week break for stress like the doctors have prescribed before. I mean more like a month or two to get myself in a better routine, get on top of my home, go outdoors, breathe, try and reconnect with myself and actually recover.
I only have enough savings for one month. I’ve received universal credit once when made redundant from a job in Covid and it didn’t even cover the bills. I’m not sure I would even be entitled if I willingly chose to leave my job? I need to do this though, not to be dramatic but I’m going to honestly end up dead at this rate. I need to fix my life and I can’t do it whilst I’m working it’s taking up too much headspace and creating too much anxiety. I urgently need to leave. Any and all advice please?