Hi everyone. Me (30F) and my husband (29M) have been married for almost 3 years.
I have previously posted about two cases of him being abusive and also regarding my relationship with his mother and their enmeshment. A lot of people told me to leave and stop trying for the child. I stopped trying for a child, but I am trying to work on the relationship and we have had a lot of discussions regarding his mother and her influence.
However, some minor things happen that throw me off any wishes to try again.
1) I have been losing my hair due to alopecia, and I wanted to get a custom made wig. My husband said we/I should get a loan from a bank, as I have used all my savings for paying fees for an apartment I bought along with the furniture. The fact is that my husband has money invested in stocks which he could disinvest but he rather I pay 6% interest rate on a loan instead of even lending me his money. When I told him I can get the wig later he said he doesn’t want to wait as my being sad about my hair loss will cause “sadness and depression in the house” which will make him depressed and sad. I found that really weird as we are a family and we should discuss and support whenever somebody is sad.
2) He suddenly said I have always been “asking” for gifts; and that initially he gifted me less expensive things but then my requests became too much.
This all started as one year ago my MIL gifted me a ring, my husband told me it is upgrade of my engagement ring. They had a fight as my husband was supposed to give it to me on my bday, but Mil couldn’t resist and gave it to me before. The ring is very ugly. And I got upset as the moment I saw the ring I knew my husband didn’t invest money/time/effort into this. Turns out she took a diamond she had, chose a setting and paid for it. I was upset that my husband didn’t invest anything in this, he didn’t even make the effort to choose the setting I like. That’s why we said ok let’s get a real good ring, but now it seems I “forced” him to get me all the gifts of the last couple of years.
3) my MIL invited us for her 60th bday. After what happened two months ago, I told my husband I didn’t want to go. But he insists I go and he insists I stay at her house. It really baffles me that he is able to sacrifice my mental health and my feelings to make everyone else happy. I don’t imagine forcing my husband to stay at my grandmothers house, ecc.
After the conversation I had with my husband I can’t seem to process anything. I feel stupid for having chosen him over my family even if my family has their problems. And I feel so upset that after having chosen him and lost my family, his side of family treats me negatively.
If you have any advice please share.
Thank you!