I (27 f) was told 2 weeks ago that I wasn’t invited to my boyfriend (23 m) sister’s (24 f) wedding that is tomorrow. I was originally invited and I know this because while they were planning the wedding she would speak to me about what she had been working on and planning. I was present for a conversation about the seating chart for the reception where I was told which table I was at and who I’d be sitting with since my boyfriend is in the wedding party and he will be at the head table.
Originally I was told I was uninvited because they weren’t letting a family member bring their new girlfriend so it wouldn’t be fair to let me come. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years, we live together, we talk about getting married, and are very much in a not new serious committed relationship. The grooms sister is bringing her boyfriend of less then a year as well.
The next reason she gave was that I have not tried to form a relationship with her so I shouldn’t have expected to be invited. For the past year and a half every time she talked about wedding stuff I offered to help and she turned me down every time. I have made plans with her and she has bailed every time. I’ve invited her to parties we have at our home she has only shown up to one of them. I have never heard from her unless I have reached out first. We have never had any issues, when we are together at events we get along great. I did stop trying to make plans after a year of being blown off, but I truly don’t understand what else I could have done to have a relationship with her past when we talk at family events.
Me and my boyfriend are in the middle of a move right now that I am largely doing alone so he can attend wedding stuff this week. I know it’s selfish to be upset because she has every right to choose who is at her wedding, but the way she went about uninviting me last minute with reasons that don’t make sense isn’t sitting well. I am not a random woman in her brothers life and I have made sacrifices in order for her to have the best day possible especially moving mostly alone so her brother can spend the week with family.
I don’t want to try to build a relationship with her after this. I did reach out to her to apologize for making her feel like I didn’t want to build a relationship with her and asked if she would want to go for coffee in a couple weeks to talk. She agreed to go, but I don’t know if I actually want to have that conversation with her given how I was treated in this situation. I love my boyfriend with my whole heart, but I also can’t see a path forward for us if I can’t work this out with his sister.
I’m not sure how to have this conversation or if trying is worth it this point?