Some background:
I am a middle school history teacher, very likely on the spectrum, and I have dozens of hobbies. Two such hobbies are reading and writing. Reading takes up much of my time — history, philosophy, religion, anthropology, if it exists to be read about I have probably read at least one book on it. I am a curious person and I love information. I also enjoy synthesizing information, playing around with concepts, etc.
A few days ago I listened to a Podcast, "Writing Excuses" on the topic of writing being a lot like raising a child. It was incredibly gripping, and witty, but what caught my attention was how they could make references to different topics and articulate those ideas so quickly and clearly. Even if it was partially scripted, it made me realize for not the first time in my life I am incredibly poor at recalling and connecting information in conversation. The exception to this is teaching, because I can prepare my notes and lessons and I am decent at "improvising" with context as needed.
The question:
The question is, how can I improve at recalling information in discussions, or maybe give myself space to think and process, so I can not just "know stuff" in my head but actually reference it and be interesting in a real life conversation? Understand I don't wish to show off etc, but to participate. Often I am in situations where I understand what a person is sharing with me, sometimes even a topic I am an expert in academically, but I can't think of anything to reply with because suddenly my mind is blank. It makes me feel stupid, and to make matters worse, this is starkly contrasted with how I feel in the classroom, where I am told often I am an effective and memorable teacher. I am also a woman and it is not uncommon for people to assume I don't know certain information based on my juvenile looks; this doesn't personally offend me but it does, again, make me feel small and sometimes impacts my confidence.
Thank you kind strangers for any help or advice.