Sorry if this is too much yapping, I just want to add as much relevant information as I can.
My husband has always been a very picky eater, but he has come a very long way in terms of what he is willing to eat (I got the guy to enjoy eating kimchi!!!), so it's not all bad. The problem I'm having is that I'm Asian, and my Korean mother raised me to believe that it's considered rude to not eat a meal that somebody took the time to make for you, so I have never once refused to eat something that somebody else cooked for me, even if it's not my favorite dish or even a dish that I actively dislike. My husband had the opposite experience growing up, and his mother allowed him to make his own dinners when she would make something that he didn't like, which was extremely often. I don't think that he has ARFID, I think he just didn't grow up eating certain foods and therefore dislikes them, but maybe that's a possibility and I'm just not noticing the signs? It's also possible he's a super taster or whatever it's called, because he can always tell if meat/bread/etc was ever frozen or is slightly old, and he can instantly detect if I have added certain ingredients or seasonings. Just throwing that out there for added context.
In my mind, even if the food isn't exactly what he prefers, he could just eat it anyways (unless it's literally going to make him puke), and then once he's done with it he can relay the information to me that he thought it was too dry, too wet, not seasoned enough, etc… Right? Is this unreasonable? Genuinely asking.
I try not to be bothered and to be understanding that not everybody grew up the way I did, but I get so incredibly frustrated when he leaves a part of his plate completely untouched, or sometimes he will refuse to eat something I have planned to make and he will cook his own meal. Other times he will just not bother to make himself anything (I assume because he's too tired) and then I will feel guilty because he works hard and obviously he shouldn't be going to bed without eating because that's not healthy, so I'll end up cooking him something separate before or after I eat my own dinner, even though he didn't ask me to do it. I'm more than okay with being the one who cooks dinner most days, and sometimes he does cook for both of us (a couple times a month), but I don't want to HAVE to make us separate dinners multiple times a week/month if I feel like making something that he doesn't like. There's also usually a lot of leftovers because I like having food ready to go in the fridge to save time, but he really doesn't like eating leftovers for some reason, so I often end up cooking him something else while I eat leftovers. I also feel the compulsive need to ask him if dinner was okay, and I have no idea why because obviously that opens me up to possibly being criticized, so it's pretty common for him to make criticisms (understandably, since I asked) of what I made (like that it wasn't salted enough, over salted, too dry, or too wet, etc).
I was able to slightly help the situation by simply avoiding cooking meals that I know for a fact he won't eat, but then I get sad that I'm removing certain foods from my life that I love. Obviously it's not so important that I would ever divorce over it, but it still REALLY frustrates me, and I don't want to build up resentment over this. I'm sure people will probably tell me that I should just make him cook all his own dinners, but that thought leaves me feeling really unhappy as well…. I'm a stay-at-home wife (working on starting a business from home) and he is the one who goes out every day and works a very mentally and physically demanding job, so if he had to make his own dinner every day on top of all that, it would make me feel extremely guilty. Having two people in the kitchen at the same time making different dinners also sounds like a nightmare, lol.
Does anybody have any suggestions on how to work through this? Anybody else in a similar situation? Am I being unreasonable because I get upset that he doesn't want to eat what I make sometimes? I would really appreciate any advice you guys have! ):
TL;DR: My husband is pretty picky and doesn't always eat what I make. It hurts my feelings and it comes across really rude and inconsiderate in my opinion, but he doesn't agree and thinks it's normal and fine that he refuses to eat the food if he doesn't like it. I could make him cook his own dinners, but then I would feel super guilty and sad because he is the main bread-winner in the house and he works very hard. I'm looking for tips and suggestions from anybody in a similar situation, please!