So to preface this, we’ve been dating for 2 years and living together for half a year. Our relationship is great for the most part. We’re very affectionate, have the same lifestyle, similar goals and hobbies, and sex is great. Very compatible in all the things that matter. My cats love him and I do too. He’s smart, funny, and charismatic. He’s very sweet and considerate, even if he’s probably avoidant. Quite reserved, analytical, and shuts down when big emotions are involved. He doesn’t mean any harm though and always makes sure I’ve got everything I need
When we first started dating I asked him out before I knew anything about his finances except his Job. I kept deep questions to a minimum after since it was new. Does he have a Job? Is he financially responsible? What does he think about traditional marriage?
We quickly learned we’re both frugal penny pinchers and that suits us fine. He liked that I offered to split the meal and have a very non-traditional gender roles mindset. I figured he was in a similar low bracket to me since his kind of pay isn’t super high. We agreed that traditional weddings/marriage aren’t really our thing but he seemed off-put by the question so I didn’t dig.
A few months in I found out he’s got great credit, he’s good at stocks, and he was aiming to try and buy a house. I thought that was very admirable and it inspired me to grind my savings even harder so I could catch up since he seemed to have enough for a down payment saved up
In general would always pay him back and never asked for money or pried into his finances. I Just don’t move like that and I know men can see that as offensive and I genuinely like him so I didn’t bother.
A year in we discussed more about how he wants kids and marriage again, with me bringing up that I think prenups are a good idea and I don’t find it offensive if that’s something we would want to consider as well. That’s when I learn that when he agreed about not liking traditional weddings/marriage he meant he actually doesn’t like them period. He will not marry at all. He insisted that prenups are too expensive, that marriage is Just a piece of paper, we don’t need it, and it can put us financially at risk like with taxes. That I’m definitely wife material and he loves me and we don’t need paper to show that. I didn’t know the details so I figured that’s fair I wouldn’t want to financially strain us and dropped it.
Now I don’t make a lot but I like to spoil him a little. Dates and treats because he’s so sweet to me. He got a house and we originally weren’t going to move in but fate had other plans and I even paid out of pocket to move in with him another half a year in. My new Job pay sucks, but he says I don’t need to pay rent and he wants me to save my money like him. Ok cool I’ll Just split the shared finances and I take on some of the bills. We split housework accordingly and overall it’s very fair.
He explained how much he pays into the mortgage and that he got a good loan and stuff and I thought right on. He described it as a financial strain and I was glad Just to help out and life together has been awesome honestly.
I brought up marriage alternatives one day because I would still like some legal protections and abilities if he actually wants to have kids someday and be committed to this long term relationship. This time he got very defensive and Joked asking if I was plotting to kill him(??) and if I was trying to trick him into it by bringing it up again. And I was like “why would I do that? I’m Just saying there’s alternatives and I’m trying to protect us legally and financially since I found out how marriage would actually increase our finances when I finally ran an estimate of the numbers.” He had me drop it again by saying he’ll think about alternative paperwork to mimic marriage protections but have less power
Anyway, It’s our 2 year anniversary in a couple days and I Just found out through him telling me about his stocks that he’s almost a fucking millionaire and he won’t let anyone near his money over his dead body (literally because he’s gonna make a trust fund)
So I guess I’m not getting married because I could be a gold digger or something after his money I never knew existed for 2 years??
Maybe it was dumb of me not to have asked more questions, but it’s never been about the money for me whether he has it or not, so it sorta Just stings that he’s making it all about money. I mean not being able afford a prenup is obviously a lie. I still love him of course but idk how I should navigate my feelings about this
TLDR: I asked out my boyfriend, discussed marriage, moved in with him, and have been together for 2 years without ever knowing he’s almost a millionaire— but marriage is completely off the table because I could be after that money I never knew about?