Hi. I have a bad habit that I can't kick. I have been isolating myself hardcore from a lot of friends. One of my friend groups is going on 6 years now of near radio silence from me. There's been brief times between that I tried to get in touch more regularly, but fail repeatedly. But this is happening with every single friend I have, for years now.
I don't know why I do this, other than my parents isolating me from my friends as a kid starting me off on it. Everyday has been feeling really empty, and it's hard to reach out knowing I'll probably get back in the same loop of cutting myself off again. It just feels habitual, like an addiction. I hate feeling like an unreliable and unavailable friend.
I don't enjoy talking to people much, but I do love my friends as people. Is there any way of making consistent contact easier? Even texting regularly feels like a marathon I'm running without any energy to go on with.