I'm a 38M and I feel like I’ve ticked all the major boxes in life. Got a solid job, house is fully paid off, married with a kid. On paper, everything’s great.

But lately, I’ve been struggling with this weird sense of “Is this it?” My days are basically: work, come home, play with my kid, dinner, then either gaming or Netflix until bed. Rinse and repeat.

I even tried to shake things up by hitting the gym — managed to lose weight and put on some muscle, which felt good for a while. But now I’m back at that same feeling of… what's next?

I don’t feel particularly unhappy. Just kind of numb. Like the spark is gone.

Is anyone else in this stage of life? How do you deal with this “blah” feeling when you’ve already accomplished the stuff you used to dream about?


31 comments

  2. Sounds like you won the game early dude. Setting up a side hustle really snapped me out of my “is this it?” mode, brought in some extra cash and stops me from rotting on the sofa from 8pm to 10pm

  3. What would you like to happen? And follow up…how are you working towards making that happen?

  4. Might be time to change something up.

    New job(leave old or just add a side gig), new house? add a hobby etc

  5. Im in similar situation, I don’t know how people keep going without tons of projects, I spend all day working on projects, building vehicles, drones, electronics. When im not doing that im hiking, kayaking etc
    I gave up most games as it was just a cycle of sitting on my arse each day, I also put a timer on my apps, max 30 mins a day that helped my focus.
    Try remove all chores as possible, robot mower, vacuum etc free up as much time to enjoy life.
    It gave me a reason to keep going anyway, might not work for others.

  6. Hang out with your wife and pick up some hobbies … or have a second kid – that’ll keep you busy 🙂

  7. 50M. After divorce and remarriage am lucky to have reached a similar fortunate situation.

    Adult rec league sports have provided a surprising amount of motivation. Wanting to improve and compete – even in something low stakes and frivolous – can be a good place to put that energy of still wanting to improve and grow.

    Also, volunteering once a month at a soup kitchen or family crisis center can ground you and help you feel a bit more purpose outside of just improving your own family’s security.

  9. The key is to just enjoy each day. You list the daily items you do as if they are chores. Try to enjoy your work, try to enjoy that steak dinner, try to enjoy time with your kid. They grow up fast, don’t take it for granted. I miss all those travel sports weekends that are long gone. And enjoy your wife. Go wine tasting, hiking, etc. A lot of people would kill to have those things, or they lost them in tragedies/divorce.

    And good job paying off your house. I’m 55 and mine won’t be paid off for 20 more years. Had to take out large chunks of equity to put both of my kids through expensive college (still paying for nursing school for one), so also enjoy the fact you have NO house payment/rent and go take some awesome vacations! That’s what I would do.

    It’s all about attitude. “Get busy dying, or get busy living!”

  10. Focus on your relationship with your spouse. Youve got everything else. Get that spark back and get more involved with your SO.

    Trust me OP. You dont want to have to all, only for everything to come crashing down because your relationship fell apart.

  11. Nah.

    48. My life is full of laughter, and I’m good at finding things for my brain to chew on.

  12. You need goals my friend! Something to work towards, something meaningful you want to do besides what you’re doing right now.

  14. Sometimes getting what you want is like reaching the summit of a mountain. The challenge is over and there’s no where else to go but down.

    If you listen or read about many top level athletes who’ve won the gold or accomplished great feats, some of them are downright depressed afterwards. Same applies to other endeavors such as business. Some times, we need something to pursue, problems to solves, a struggle to overcome. The harder the goal, the more it aligns with your values and principles, the more important it feels, the more gratifying it’ll be. The unfortunate part of success, is that you’ll constantly strive for more and bigger wins.

    Eventually, hopefully, you’ll one day find contentment in the ordinary. I think real happiness comes from being content with what you’ve got. Finding the balance is something we all muddle through and must find out on our own. Just my $.02.

  15. I don’t want to sound cliche but if you think about it the excitement of key milestones are in rear view.

    – Turning 18 – Adult, College life
    – Turning 21 – First drink legally (in the USA)
    – Age Range : 23 to 30 career, party life,Dating, travel
    – Age Range : 30 to 40 Married, kids, Mortgage etc

    I’m in same age range as you, it certainly can feel mundane but your day is consumed. Sometimes picking up a hobby can get expensive also.

    I recently bought a beginner guitar to fill in time otherwise I would typically head to a bar.

  16. Better get signed up for a 5k or two.

    Then you’ll slip into ultra marathons after that gets old.

    Not too expensive per se to roll with, but does take up a lot of time and you can set some lofty goals to work through to help extend your time.

  18. Get a hobby, find your community.
    Contributing to a community is incredibly rewarding and can give you purpose. Literally doesn’t matter what it is.

    I play competitive air hockey (I’m quite a bit older than you) and just showing up, organizing events, and my new 3d printing hobby where I print air hockey stuff is fun. It keeps the creative juices flowing, people really appreciate it. I have life-long friends that mean the world to me. All because of… air hockey.

  20. you will go through this for a solid 2-4 years… then you will have a major health scare, and you will calm the F*ck down and count your blessings.

    We call it mid life crisis.

    Enjoy your life, stop comparing to anyone else – take your family and your parents to a vacation. Enjoy the fruits of your labor.

  22. “Is this it?”

    Well, yeah. You won. You worked hard to have a stable job, life, and family. You don’t wonder where your next meal is coming from, you have safety and housing.

    And yet… you feel empty inside.

    Human beings seem to find “enrichment” in one of two things — overcoming adversity, or working for a higher calling. You don’t have any adversity, and you don’t have a higher calling.

    The search for these things usually manifests as what we call a “mid life crisis.” This is a search for deeper meaning and purpose. People quit their job and try to find something fulfilling. They quit their marriage and try to relive their youth. They spend vast amounts of money to fill the void with cool stuff.

    It’s up to you to find a deeper meaning. Or not.

  23. Try to feel at peace with life, be grateful, salvage the moment of what youth is left, because you don’t know what life has next for you and good times never last. I am 29 and I have my house paid off, a lovely partner, more money than I need and family around me, I don’t mind if I have kids or don’t, but I have fufilled all my personal dreams of when I was young, my role is a more supportive one now, supporting my partners dreams and being there for loved ones around me. I know that youth never lasts, my parents will one day be 70+ and need more help and I am enjoying the sweet spot of success & youth, but its not going to last forever.

  24. What you’re describing is called stability, the uneventfulness and monotony can be jarring upon realization but it’s really not a bad thing.

  25. Get into something competitive: sports, chess. Try to refind your true hobbies or new one and find a goal that feels good to you.

  26. Buy a pinball machine, or ideally 5-10 of them to keep things more interesting. It’s a skill that keeps growing the more you play, and it’s super fun. Sounds like you have some money, so just play around at local spots until you figure out what you’d enjoy at home. Your kids will enjoy it too, and the annual maintenance isnt very expensive.

  27. I’m not in that position (yet) but I feel like this is where you have to continue to find things to make life interesting my friend. 

  28. I’m 38 have a wife and a middle floor apartment with 2 dogs. She has a career with a damn good job, and I have a job that is fulfilling to an extent but DOES NOT pay the bills.

    Honestly, a house paid off with an actual career that pays good, and a kiddo with my wife would be a dream lol so you have it better than you may think. It might be hobby time.

  29. Once you experience significant health issue, you will never take for granted those everyday little things you enjoy and they will be enough 

  30. Try living a life where hardly anything went right after college, I’m your age, single, in a one bedroom apartment working a job that I hate without a genuine sense of direction, and I barely have any friends. I peaked in college and it’s killing me.

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