TL;DR me and my girl have very different ways of expressing love and idk if I can support her in what she needs.
I'm sure this has been asked thousands of times, but idk what anymore to do so im coming here.
So I’ve been in my first real relationship and honestly I don’t even know what to do anymore. At first it was good, but over time it feels like I’m carrying all the weight. She always wants me to call and talk for hours, and if I don’t, it’s a problem. Sometimes she even gets mad if I just need space to breathe. I like her, but it feels like nothing is ever “normal.”
When I open up about something, instead of advice, she usually makes it about her trauma. Like one time I said my dad is really strict and her response was “well I wish I had a dad” — and she does have a dad, he just got deported (happened a while ago nothing to do with this political climate). Like what am I supposed to say to that? She has this way of giving “advice” where it’s basically just, “well it’s not as bad as what I went through.” That doesn’t help me, it just makes me shut down.
And she changes things up constantly, like coming out as non-binary in the middle of our relationship, I knew she was bi but this genuinly fried me because in my life is constantly going to shit for a veriaty of reasons and i got no control over it, and then when im finally in a relationship i like she drops that in the middle of it which is fine, but it feels like every week I have to readjust to something new. I’m always trying to guide the relationship, be the one to calm things down, and it’s exhausting.
She knows the obligations I have after school and that I genuinely don’t have time to call and text constantly especially with a special needs sister at home and a shit ton of extra curriculars. And when I have free time sometimes I just want to be alone and have me time. I’ve communicated this with her and she keeps being pressed about it. And she’s shy as fuck so I usually have to draw out the conversation just so I know what’s wrong.
I know I’m young (sophomore in hs) and this is my first real relationship, but I also feel like I’m more self-aware than she is and I don’t want to spend all my energy on something that’s only draining me. At the same time, I don’t want to just ditch her, because I know she’s been through a lot.
So my question is: Do I stay and try to work through this, or is it better to just end it before I burn out completely?