Hi everyone,
I’m recently married and this will be my husband and I’s first year navigating the holidays as a married couple. We’re both Mexican, and our families are very traditional (and let’s just say passionate).
Here’s my situation:
• My parents have been divorced since I was born. I’m an only child, so I’ve always had to juggle holidays between my mom and my dad.
• Now I also have my in-laws, who thankfully are still together, so that side is simpler.
• My dad is the hardest part. I love him and his side of the family, but he makes the holidays miserable almost every year. If I’m late, if I go somewhere else first, or if I try to split time, it’s always a problem.
Last year he got very upset when I said I’d be at my in-laws first, even though I still planned to come afterward.
• My mom is quieter, but I know it hurts her too. Her family and I aren’t that close, though I usually enjoy myself when I go. She doesn’t always understand why I sometimes don’t care to go every year.
At this point, I feel like no matter what I do, someone is unhappy. I’ve been the “anchor” between my parents for almost 30 years, and I’m exhausted. I don’t want another holiday of running all over the city trying to make everyone happy and ending up miserable.
My question: What’s the best way for my husband and I to split holidays fairly between my divorced parents and in-laws without constantly feeling guilty or overextended? Should we rotate years, split days, or start our own traditions and invite people to us?
TL;DR: Newly married, first holiday season juggling divorced parents and in-laws. Dad gets upset no matter what, mom is quieter but still hurt, and I’m tired of being the middle person. How can we split holidays fairly and set boundaries without drowning in guilt?