Lately I’ve (27f) realized that I’m speaking my mind too much, and have been doing since a young age.
Last night was having a really deep conversation with my boyfriend about our future, and I can’t stop rambling about whatever’s on my mind, and said things without the intention of hurting him, but to just take the thought out of my mind.
To say an example is really difficult because while writing it I felt like an a*hol. But can give an example when it has happened with friends. One time at a party a friend told me “i have a bad memory of that person (someone walking in front of us) and I don’t like them for x, y, z” and then after a while conversing with others in a group, the same person walked in front again, and I said something like “I can see why you don’t like them”
Why did I say that? I don’t know, I just wanted to speak, to say something and that’s the first thought that crossed my mind, and I didn’t even stopped it. I never do it with intentions of hurting others and saying mean things just because. I don’t say things like “oh you dress badly today” but I could in the past say things like “will you sleepover with your boyfriend?” to a friend in front of very conservative parents. Just examples that came to mind.
I also say random facts that pop in my mind, and have heard people get uncomfortable with that. BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO CONTROL MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS. But then the next day I forget whatever I said, because for me it’s like having a regular conversation, but then im spilling secrets to the same person who told them to me, and not realizing it’s something I shouldn’t say aloud.
I’m actually a very good secret keeper, hahaha i know its contradictory, but it’s the small things I don’t have a filter. Thats the word.. how can I control my filter before speaking??
Sorry for the long post, but I’ve realized lately that I need to fix or lower this trait of mine. Has someone been in my same position?
** Edit to add: people will most probably say mean things about this trait, and I know I do; one the other hand I’ve always been told I’m really nice and kind, and very well mannered. It’s that I always speak my random thoughts without any intention of hurting people. I don’t say things like “oh yeah thats why you’re ugly.. oops sorry cant control my filter”, I mean that’s just rude and lacks manners.