I have a very weird thing and idk if a lot of people share it . Baiscally I have this weird thing
I become friends witha group of people . Slowly I become close to some of them . And distanced with others . We are close and everything is good suddenly comes a point where I become too scared to lose them or this closeness so I start being performative focusing too much into what story I say wether it will be funny or not and wether it will be cringe or not and wether i should tell a story anywyas or would it make me look stupid or they might nto care anymore about the story or if iam tlakimg too much and should stop . I baiscally start to overanalyse,naturally they notice and they start feeling uncomfortable or hanging out with me isn't fun anymore because my funny relaxed side is not present . Then I lose the friendship slowly . Idk why this is or why I I it and iam aware but no idea how to stop it because it happens without my control, it has affected me and my friendships a lot. PLUS qhen the friendships gets too or too normal I feel like I start to overthink it and sabotage it rather than let it flow naturally without pressure .