i (24f) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (25m) for almost five months now (we’ve known each other since january) and recently, i’ve had a rise of saying “i love you” in my mind
i had this happen our first month in but i brushed it off as me being crazy cause hello it was one month in
since then i’ve had certain moments with him where im like “woah why am i feeling like this” but those were brushed off too
but now i am full blown saying it in my mind again when im around him, and ive had the urge to say it twice now.
and obviously its supposed to be this really endearing and lovely thing to potentially be in love but i am psyched out because he has like this wall up when it comes to stuff like this.
don’t get me wrong, my boyfriend is one of the most amazing people i have ever encountered in my life and he makes it incredibly clear how much i mean to him on a regular basis.
but he’s also stated his fear of falling in love several times. big commitments like that (and things like marriage, not saying i want to get married to him!!!! just adding that to show the kind of thoughts that cause him anxiety) make him all clammy.
he’s been open about it and i understand where it comes from. one, he does have general anxiety about the future and prefers to “live in the moment” because of it, and two, he’s been cheated on so the thought of falling hard for someone to potentially get hurt again gets to him.
so i can understand, and i empathize but it truly just makes the possibility that i may love him feel… not so great.
like what if i end up deciding to tell him a month from now and it scares him off or something?
i fully believe he is capable of falling in love with me, i believe he probably will if we last long enough. i just don’t know how he’d respond to that big a feeling coming from me or him.
and i’d love to talk to him about it but that would mean having to tell him i might love him so. that just doesn’t feel like a plausible option.