Folks, did you find yourself losing interest in anything and everything as you grew older?
I am 38 and i have observed that there is hardly anything in life that gives happiness any more. Infact, I have observed that I have become indifferent over time. Some examples:
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Entertainment- Used to love watching Netflix/HBO series, movies etc. Now, it’s been 7-8 years and I may have watched probably 1-2 movies. Absolute zero TV and no theater.
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Self care, clothing/shopping – I was never much into shopping but did buy some branded clothing and I always used to make sure, if its branded, it carries a logo to show off. Now, i have become opposite. Firstly, I avoid buying anything and if I must, it must not carry any tag/logo.
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Friends- Had a set of good friends from college. They stayed connected for 10ish years and then, life took over. Hardly any contact.
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Food – Probably the only thing that gave happiness lately. But now, even this doesn’t excite anymore. Trying new tasty food have gone from cravings to whatever.
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Family- I have seen a difference wherein I don’t call my family much. Again, all is fine between myself and family, but I seem to don’t feel like doing it. At the same time, if they need me, I am here for anything when asked, including time, money. But I feel a feeling of apathy.
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Workout/Sports – Never hit gym in life. Have chicken legs and now, kind of embarrassed to start at 38. Zero sports.
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Work- I am doing good for myself. Ok money. I am respected, promoted. My manager recently said he is trying more things for me. My response was, “thank you and don’t stress much about it, I am happy with what I have”.
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Traveling- With a 6 year old Son, traveling is always for his happiness. Amusement parks, community parks, beaches, kids play areas etc. I do it diligently as a father, but does it make me happy, I don’t feel so.
There are days I feel so lonely. With all this said, I am doing the usual things expected out of me. Work, save, plan retirement, secure child’s future. But amidst all this, I have realized that I haven’t been truly happy for 5-7 years.
Have you ever felt it?
15 comments
I can relate to that feeling. Sometimes everything is pretty dull. Food and cooking is sometimes a thing I eat because I have to eat, and there’s no joy.
Fortunately I still get little waves of joy, obsessing about some music, history, a book, a show. A fun event once in a while. I still get that spark, but probably not as frequently as in my younger days.
The cool thing is my sex life has gotten way better and more thrilling with age!
That’s depression dude. I got it too. Same age similar situation. Financially doing well. Support my wife and two daughters both under 10. I have a bunch of theories as to why life gets more difficult and loses its shine. I’m trying everything from seeing a councillor to meds. Nothing has clicked yet but I’ll keep you posted. First thing is recognizing that you are experiencing depression. Be open to try anything that might help you with it.
Start working out regularly. Don’t be embarrassed, it’s far more embarrassing sitting at home because you’re too scared to start than it is to be a new gym-goer. It’ll change your life for the better.
Also, even if you don’t feel the need to call family so often, make time to go see them! High impact activity, even if it’s just to hangout. Your time on earth with them is limited. Will also help with the loneliness.
I’m 27, and after taking a substantial promotion at work, I quickly realized I had no real idea who I was, and I was drowning in what felt like “the machine” where I felt like I was doing the right things but wasn’t getting much enjoyment out of things.
I had years of a messed up childhood (far from the worst, but absolutely not a normal one) and had to start unpacking that stuff so I could start slowing down and realizing why I loved what my job allowed me to do. Don’t get me wrong my job absolutely sucks, but it allows me to provide for my family, take an occasional trip, and put a little bit of money away for my kids.
There’s a lot more purpose in what I do now, but it took about two years of therapy for me to get there. I highly encourage it to those who feel similar.
Another good thing to do would be to start simple at home exercises if you don’t want to go to the gym. Maybe you won’t blow up and get super muscular but body weight exercises and some cardio is absolutely beneficial for everyone. I need to take that advice more often myself.
I’m just some dickhead on the internet, don’t listen to me for real advice, I’m far from perfect but hopefully something resonates with you and helps. It’s a scary feeling to realize how far into life I got before I realized I didn’t know a thing about myself
Start working with your hands. Build things. Grow stuff. Repair junk. Get off the screens and jump into the analog world.
People that really go the gym for the right reasons aren’t going to be judging anyone just starting out in the gym. If anything, you’ll have immediate respect for trying. Get in there, it’ll help a lot with your mental state
I felt that way, maybe still do a little. I think moving to a different city helps for 5 years but that’s not always possible to do.
Doing different things helps. I went on a cruise for the first time and that made me feel alive again. The entertainment was great. Seeing new places was cool.
Sounds like you’re depressed. I don’t have the solution for you but I’ll bet there’s a lot you could do to start feeling better. Psych meds never did much for me, but working out helps a lot. I know you said chicken legs etc… but you’ll see some results, and you get a nice high from it afterwards. Some of my friends have low testosterone and that caused them to feel as you described. If you have low sex drive and no morning boners, maybe it’s low T. You can get some T from a doctor. That might fill the void. You’re fortunate that work is going well. Having money will help your journey to happiness.
I’m 48. When you get older and are married with kids you lose a lot of the things that were previously important. Your freedom goes away. You can’t party, you don’t see your old friends much, and your new parent friends aren’t the same. You now have to work and support a household. It’s a heavy burden and it’ll grind you to paste if you let it. The point is that you lose a lot of the things that used to bring you joy. You have to replace them with something else that makes you happy. It’s hard to find it but it’s out there if you look for it. Once you find it the struggle becomes balancing it with all your obligations. Talk to someone about it. It’ll probably help.
Start going to the gym. It’s not that complicated to look up a simple gym program and watch YouTube videos showing the correct way to do exercises. There’s a nexus between exercise and mental health. You need to exercise to feel good and be at your best. Your brain needs it as much as your body.
No one at the gym is going to be paying attention to you thinking, “look at that guy with the tiny weights”. You will experience the most rapid progress in the first couple of months anyway. You can literally 2x your strength in a couple months if you are starting at zero.
You need to do human shit. Cook for people, and your own, pleasure. Tell stories, listen to stories . Build and tend fires. Take long walks through nature. Work on fiber arts – rope craft, knitting, weaving, sewing.
Sit and observe animals, just really engage your kind and try to think about what and how they are thinking.
These are all the things our minds and bodies have been doing, and it’s how we connect with our bodies and our primary pleasures.
Primary pleasures are things that we enjoy doing in themselves, not that we like how other people respond to us doing them.
I feel exactly like you do, minus the blessing of fatherhood. Thank you for starting this thread.
Don’t exercise. Go for walks. LONG walks.
Go from somewhere to somewhere else.
It’s what our bodies were designed for.
The only thing I find out of the ordinary with your situation is that you are only 38 and have already been like this for years. This didn’t hit me until I was about 60.
I need a sense of accomplishment (work) and making my family happy (wife and grandchildren) to keep going.
You have no outlet. No hobbies, no sport, minimal friends & travel and it appears to be a lack of confidence. You seem to be caught up on the opinions of others like your example with the gym.
I mean this is the nicest way possible, no one outside of your immediate family actually thinks about you and what you have going on, as everyone else is going through different versions of what you are, and it is liberating once you get your head around it. Just let go a little. Go to the gym, everyone is working on themselves, no one is judging you and IF they are, that is their stupid burden to carry. Every single sport club out there is desperate for new players so you will be welcomed with open arms.
Take your family to a better option of a holiday for everyone. He is a child, he will be happy wherever you guys are.