So long story short me 21M and my ex girl 21F broke up last year officially at the end of summer. I broke up with her , it was for the best of both of us at least I think, as I was moving away for work. The breakup definitely hurt her quite deeply and honestly same for me but, We both got on with our lives for the most part afterwards
Anyway cut to New Year’s Eve, we hadn’t seen each other in 6 months, I was fucking hammered then we went back to hers after and had some very emotionally charged sex.
After that I apologized because I thought I was in the wrong because after all I did break up with her and kind of a dick move to lead her on like that. But again drunk and horny tale as old as time. (She asked me to come back to hers I might add)
Then cut six months later same situation, but this time almost every weekend (I come from a very small island – population around 40,000 so hard not to see everyone you know out on a Friday). And same situation every time, I go back to hers after getting drunk in town we fuck and then part ways (kind of???). I swear it off every time like not doing that again, I’m opening up some old scars for sure, and it’s all very very confusing emotionally.
Just yesterday after a big house party she lured me back to hers AGAIN with cocaine and sex. I know I keep going back, and I don’t know what she wants from me, because she knows we aren’t getting back together – it’s been too long firstly and we’ve both had some sexual encounters after the official breakup with other people and I am of a belief that u can’t come back from that.
I really do care for her so much and I think we’ve gone over everything a million times about how we feel, but I don’t know. I mean the sex is amazing but it definitely hindering my growth emotionally in some way.
I just can’t tell if I’m using her or she’s using me or it’s just both of us in a weird situation. Again this is only when I’m home, I’m in a different country for the most part and I come home 3x a year for about a month each time
Any weight ins appreciated or personal experiences if you’d like to share
Cheers!