Facts
– Married at 19 on year 8
– Kids ages 1-7
– 5 years in my job making 58k a year
– He’s 2 years in his making 100k+ a year
– Bought a house in March 2025
Infidelity has been the biggest issue from start till about 2 years ago when I actually saw with my own eyes him and his best friend spending the night with 2 women. Since that period I was done with him and he did a complete 180. Helped me finish school, finally got a steady job that pays great, fixed his credit, combined finances, bought a house, and have done marriage counseling the past 4 months. But all the infidelity and my struggles with PPD, antidepressants, pain during sex due to internal stressure points. I have no sex drive. I even went as far as getting off lexapro to fix my libido and it has made maybe an inch of difference.
But husband now wants a divorce. That he doesn’t even know what he wants anymore because he’s sexually angry(he has always had an extremely high sex drive) and that it’s to the point where he doesn’t even want it anymore when I’m trying to (which is like once a month or every other month) and that I’m not talking care of him like he would expect a wife to but yet doesn’t know himself what he wants from me.
1. I hate cooking and he does majority of the cooking but I’ve made an effort to try on weekends (he works over the road M-Th and leaves Sundays)
2. I’ve initiated the past 3 times we had sex, even though it’s not often it’s a BIG step for me especially coming off lexapro
3. The past two years he has helped with raising our kids more than he ever has. But I’m the one who does mornings, drop offs, work full time, pick up and evenings 4 days out the week by myself
He Asks me what do I do for him because he’s my husband and I don’t really have an answer. We’re GREAT friends but when it comes to relationship, we have no intimacy. We haven’t slept in the same bed for over half our marriage and have not the last two years consistently. He sleeps on the couch when he is home. I can’t hug or rub him or love on him because he’s so sexual frustrated that he just tells me to stop so I haven’t even tried anymore. And he said therapy has just made him realize how unhappy he is and how our communication has sucked but I feel like therapy has been going really well. We’re just on two different pages and I told him I wish he would’ve never made me fall back in love with him after the last situation when he got his life finally together just to now take it all away from me. It’s like I’m trying but with a wall built up because the infidelity has never been addressed in full detail because in his words “I minus well pack up now if I tell you because you’ll definitely divorce me” and I’m so conflicted. I love him but know I should’ve never dealt with it as long as I have. But I don’t understand why divorce NOW. Why did he have to wait until I feel the most vulnerable.
Sex, finances, intimacy, it’s like we’re on different pages and we’re not understanding why each other is feeling the way we do. The trust is minimal and he says we’re just scared to leave each other because we’re comfortable and love each other but he’s not in love with me any more. But I have been so stressed. I can’t afford to live on my own and I refuse to move back in with family because I’ve done it 4 times already throughout our marriage. On top of everything child care is an ongoing issue because we have no help even though we live near family. I’m just hurt and confused and I don’t have anyone to vent to.