It's a tale as old as time. Couple has baby. Postpartum wife doesn't want sex. Husband gets pushy. Wife gives in and resentment starts. It's not enough for husband and he can sense wife is withdrawing from him, so he starts getting withdrawn and resentful too.
Years pass. Husband doesn't understand why sex isn't back – the baby is bigger now, we should be good to go, right? But what he doesn't seem to get is that by applying all that pressure, sex doesn't feel like something fun and voluntary anymore, it feels like an obligation – at best. Husband gets more and more resentful and withdrawn and starts treating wife like an enemy rather than an partner.
This isn't a rant post – been there, done that. What I'm looking for is some tips on how to break this vicious cycle.
I know, therapy, but we're both in therapy individually and we dont have either the time or the money for couples therapy right now.
Husbands and wives who have gotten through this, how do you start actually liking each other again?
Its not about sacrifices and gestures – someone getting extra sleep, someone buying the ithers favoute food – we're both quite good ay those. It's about bringing peace and kindness back into the every day. Genuine smiles that go all the way up to the eyes. Hearing a concern from your partner with empathy, not an eye rolls and a sigh.
Of course I've had the thought "maybe if I sleep with him maybe he'll be nice to me again" – doesn't work. Not even for a short amount of time.
And yes, we've had this conversation many times. He knows that the sarcasm, eye rolls, sighs, and dead-eyed half smiles arent exactly panty-droppers, but we just can't seem to break this cycle and make any meaningful change.
Help.