Im a 29F and Im just now finding out things about my husband’s family that is making me question if marrying into this family was a good idea. One thing being his mother stopped taking him to school in the 5th grade. With that being said he had no social interactions/learning outside of family from 5th grade – 18 years old. His mom refused to help him and basically said well I’m depressed too so please don’t feel depressed (bc I already want to die) her words not mine to her depressed teenage son. I was always told that he dropped out of school and got his GED to work. However I did not know how early of a drop out he was. Secondly, he has younger siblings and his mom has let all of them drop out (so this is still an ongoing issue.) The youngest is 17 and hasn’t been to school since freshman year.
My husband signed the youngest up to the school to re-enroll but without his mom/father enforcing it he will most likely end up not going (he does not want to go.) For context his mother was a high school drop out, but actually got a degree after getting her ged to provide. His father is 20 years older than her (divorced) and has stated that he does not care what the kids do. After calling the school district with my husband I found a long history of the truancy officer paying visits to his mother’s house. But they eventually stopped after she unenrolled the siblings completely (She told them they were moving and she was enrolling somewhere else, that never happened). Since learning of this it has been a lot take in.
I feel a sense of needing to help, while also feeling guilty. I feel guilty bc I’m somewhat upset with my husband for not being totally honest with me. He states he did not want to talk about these things bc he did not feel like they were important. However at every family event I revealing more and more dysfunction. I do not want to be around his family at all now. His mother tries to give us advice and I do not listen. She is a trashy human and I will never forgive her for having kids and not raising them (but she was also failed by her mother.) With that being said, I feel like my marriage is doomed. My husband still loves and respects his mother. While I on the other hand do not want to be around her based on the above (plus many other things)alone. I also feel some type of way to my husband as I deserved to know these issues before marriage (met in college dates for 4 years before marrying). Am I wrong to feel this way?