Hello, don’t know if this allowed here but I don’t know where else to go. I’m a mom now, FTM. my baby girl is 3 months and the love of my and my partners life. Having this new little life has made me analyze the relationships with my parents and in laws. It’s made me more about family. While my husband has had the opposite effect, he wants to protect our family. But idk if I’m crazy or too emotional, or too hormonal or manipulated or too blinded by love but I’m feeling more hurt. Idk I guess I need someone to hear me out and give advice? My husband wants to keep our child away from my parents and his dad. (His mom not in photo) right now it’s very specifically with my parents because he doesn’t like that they don’t respect our decisions. For example, we didn’t want them sharing photo of our baby. Which they didn’t like and there was pushback but ultimately they listen. Honestly, I understand him. My dad was abusive and left bruises on me when I was a teenager. My mom refuses to acknowledge and accept that she could have caused some trauma in my life. Actually, if I bring up how she has hurt me SHE becomes HURT that I would bring that up or feel that way. My dad doesn’t know how to apologize like a proper normal nice person, he is rude and sarcastic and thinks that yelling is the way to have a conversation. They are not like this always but it is who they are. And yet, I don’t know why my crazy self wants them to have a relationship with my baby girl. Obviously, I would set up boundaries. Obviously I wouldn’t leave her alone with them and I would only have them over with my supervision. I want to take the good that they can give me and treasure it, I want me and my baby to have a few good memories with them because they could leave at any moment. I extend this sentiment to my FIL who has also hurt me in the past. And of course, he has hurt my husband and went as far as kicking him out when he was a teenager. But truly I have forgiven and let go I guess?
The practical, logical side of me knows that cutting them all off is the right decision. Why chose to have those people in my life? But my new mom emotions tell me it’s wrong and I want to sweep everything under the rug basically and focus and love them for the good they can give me, my mom dotes on my baby, is sweet to her and would come and cook for us sometimes. My dad can be funny. His dad can be great to tell u stories.
Why am I being like this? Have u ever been experienced this?
Worst part is, since partner and I are not on same side we are now having problems. Neither of us wants to give any in. My husband refuses to let them hold the baby and that hurts me and makes me feel unheard. And I tell him obviously I’m not asking for my mom to be left alone with her but for us to be there and he says why have them around regardless. We keep fighting about this, it’s been like two months now and fights increase and are getting worse between us. I don’t know what to and no longer feel close to my husband. Obviously I know it’s stupid to let this come between us. I feel incredibly stupid for even feeling any of this. Im so conflicted. Thanks for reading.