My boyfriend (let’s call him Alex, 20M) and I (18F) have been together for almost a year now. We’re young, and we had actually dated once before back when I was a pre-teen.
Up until a few months ago, I only knew one of his friends, James (20M). They met in high school, are super close, and I’ve never felt disrespected when talking to him. Over time, James stopped being just Alex’s best friend and also became a good friend of mine—I really enjoy having him around.
Recently though, Alex introduced me to another friend from out of state, Ryan (20M). We’ve all been playing together on Discord for about a month now, but lately I’ve started noticing some weird behavior from Ryan. Alex is usually there with us, but about twice a week he has commitments that keep him away for around an hour. During that time, it’s just me, James, and Ryan playing or chatting. The thing is, James also has college classes at night and sometimes leaves to study, which means I end up alone with Ryan.
That’s when I’ve started noticing some red flags. I’m not completely sure if he’s hitting on me, but here are a few things that make me suspicious:
When it’s just the two of us, he becomes really attentive—always trying to help me with new games, and he even invited me to watch some anime he likes (making it clear the invite was just for me, not the group).
He constantly points out Alex’s flaws, calling him lazy or saying he lacks initiative. Sometimes he even compares himself to Alex. For example, one time Alex was insisting on a certain game, but Ryan changed the subject and suggested something else. Later that night, after Alex went to sleep, Ryan made a point of saying that unlike Alex, he respects my choices and only suggested a different game so Alex would stop “pressuring me.”
He completely changes his tone of voice when talking to me alone—it gets softer, kind of flirty, and very different from his usual detached way of speaking.
He often sends me heart emotes (in a game with over 100 emote options) through chat.
He does little favors for me without me asking, and he seems very concerned about what I think of him.
Normally, I wouldn’t overthink this—Alex’s friends are usually more shy, and I’m naturally a social butterfly. But with James, for example, I’ve never felt any weird intentions, so this feels different.
I talked to some of my friends about it, and they agreed the situation sounds strange, not just something I’m imagining. Still, I keep asking myself if maybe I’m just not used to being treated nicely, or if it’s my subconscious craving attention from someone other than my boyfriend. That second thought especially has been making me feel guilty.
I’m posting this because I honestly don’t know if Ryan is really hitting on me or not. And if he is, I have no idea how to handle it—Alex really values his friendship, and I don’t want to ruin years of their bond over just a suspicion.
TL;DR; Should I distance myself from him? Is he really hitting on me?