TW: mental health, SH
My husband (22M) and I (22F) been married for almost two years. We’ve had our ups and downs and he’s made a lot of improvements but he did something that I’m having a hard time forgiving.
My dad got diagnosed with cancer about 6 months ago and I was struggling with the news, and I was having a hard time not falling into depression. I ended up getting prescribed zoloft.
So apparently whenever you are bipolar (I did not know I was bipolar) your brain has a different reaction to taking an ssri, and you can go into mania, and for me the reaction was so severe I actually ended up in psychosis. It was a really scary because I was not even in the least in touch with reality.
I was working as a server at a restaurant and I was really irresponsible. I was leaving my money everywhere. Leaving my keys everywhere. And just overall exhibiting really dangerous behavior.
I was cutting myself and showing my husband my cuts. I had weird ideas about things and life and God and just was clearly not in a good headspace.
I ended up getting my phone stolen at work and was without a phone for about 2 weeks (which was majorly a problem because I do not drive nor do I have a car)
Despite us living only 3 minutes away from the restaurant I was working at, my husband did not come in, did not call the restaurant and did not do anything to arrange any way for me to get home.
So I was mostly relying on coworkers to take me home. I would try to call anyone I could to pick me up but usually no one would answer. And some of my coworkers would drop me off and be pissed at me while doing it that they felt like they had to.
It really put me who was already in a compromised state in a really dangerous position, and I was in a really dangerous positions some nights.
Coming out of psychosis I hated myself for how I acted. For some reason I really wanted to divorce my husband. But I didn’t know why.
Now I’m realizing I do resent him for not taking care of me when I needed him most and also I am holding a grudge for things that he has done that showed me that he doesn’t care much about me. During this time my birthday passed and it was the only day out of the whole year he had agreed to work a double shift. He didn’t do anything to make me feel special. No gift, no card, no cake, nothing.
I’m just looking for advice. I don’t know how to forgive him because his neglect feels like betrayal to me.