Last night I (M28) went out to a fancy dinner with a few other friends and I noticed a girl (F?) sitting across from us at dinner that I thought was gorgeous. After I noticed she finished dinner with her friends, I bought a glass of wine and wrote my name and number down on a sheet of paper and went up to her while she was alone and said "excuse me hey im ___, whats your name?" She responded and I said "great to meet you, i noticed you earlier at dinner, i was sitting across from you with my friends and noticed you and just had to come up and say hi and introduce myself. i wanted to buy you this, here's my number" and she said "oh thank you so much and she seemed to genuinely be caught off in a good way.
Turns out we are both in the same industry, and she liked what I do for work. She asked me questions about my job, I asked her where she lives, how long shes lived in town, how did she get into the fancy restaurant (you need an “in” to get in) and she asked me those questions back, etc. Seems like we had a lot in common and that she was putting real effort into the convo. I never mentioned her looks either.
at the end I said "well i'll let you go now but i'd love to take you out for coffee sometimes, you got my number, feel free to text me, see you around!" and then she smiled and i think she said thank you or something idk lol. and then i left. and then about 2 hours later i ran into her on the way out and i went up to her and said "hey , so great to meet you again, have a good night!" and she said "oh ___ hey, great to meet you too, have a good night!" and then we both went in for a hug. it seemmed like she was receptive but idk. my friends were super excited and even the bartender gave me a free drink after.
This happened last night, so now I’m waiting for a response. It seems like she was putting in equal effort into the conversation as I did, asked me questions, etc, but hasn’t texted me back yet. I know it just happened last night literally 12 hours ago but still, I guess I’m overthinking. But at the same time I’m kinda proud of myself for doing that, and trying to take it as a win either way. But I also really want her to text me back haha.
Anyways I wanted to get this off of my chest. If you made it this far thanks for reading
32 comments
You’re doing great bud!
100% overthinking it
Up to 3 days to reply is pretty typical. A lot of people will absolutely not text the first day to not seem needy / desperate
That is probably the best way to approach.
If she vibes with you, then she will reach out but in the mean time just chill and focus your energy on other things.
It sounds like you had a great encounter.
For a next time:
The hug might’ve been a bit extra, especially if she’s trying to leave the place you met at (as in, might’ve felt slightly pressured).
I’d personally either initiate the conversation and hand the phone number at the end, or give the phone number and walk away.
You took a shot…were respectful…if you take the L then take it like a man and move on. You did it right. Hopefully she texts. If not, don’t let it get to you. Be proud you took a shot.
I think you did great, but maybe in future efforts, exchange numbers (get her number as well). That way, if she doesn’t send a text, you can send one just to check up, and you don’t have to worry as much.
Hey man, you did great.
If she never texts, it could be for a thousand different reasons, but you shot your shot and that’s all anybody can do. Well done you!
The only thing I would have done different, based on my past experiences, is to get her contact info. Again, just my experience, but me giving my contact info to the girl only, never even worked once for me. Maybe once, but like out of hundreds! I guess women want to be pursued. Also, side note, this was all back in the late 90’s and early 2000’s. I’m sure “everything’s different now”
Everything else you did was solid though, and I think she thought so as well.
If you handed me a drink and not the server, I would dump it.
Overthinking – give it 48hrs
I know you are asking men and I’m not a man, but my advice? Make solid plans for the coffee date. Strike while the iron is hot!! Don’t wait too long, don’t play it cool.
Even if you don’t hear back, you did awesome. Keep up that energy and vibe.
You should have dropped a monster condom for your magnum dong.
Doin better than all of us other single redditors
Maybe you wrote the number wrong, you will never know. Just kidding. That’s the best way you could’ve done that.
Nice, you were bold but not intrusive, seems like you navigated this really well!
I hope she gets in touch, it sounds like you had some connection; if she doesn’t, I’d say it still counts as a win, you should be proud of yourself!
You killed it bro, played it cool and respectful and placed the ball in her court. If it happens then it happens
Even if it doesn’t go as you hoped, it sounds like you have things under control and just to keep on trucking.
The hard part is done, honestly. If it doesn’t pan out, life still goes on, bro.
You got more balls than 99% of dorks who’d think about this then piss down their leg and run away.
If you get a response, great. If not, there will be others.
You did good 👍🏻
You did about as good as anyone could without coming across as aggressive/desperate. Whether or not she texts back (sounds like she will) is almost irrelevant.. you played your hand well.
That was very sweet and thoughtful. If you don’t hear back from her, know that you forever changed how she sees herself. Either way, someone wins. Nice work.
About ten years ago, I met these gorgeous women while shopping for a suit in a Chicago department store. She was very sweet and flirtatious and helped with the accessories for my new suit, including the belt, shoes, socks, etc. When we were done, she gave me her card and we parted ways.
I was so moved by her kindness that I sent her a dozen yellow roses as a sign of gratitude and friendship. I never heard back, but I like to think that she’ll always know what an impact she had on me.
So, take it as a numbers game. Keep doing this over and over again. You’ll get better and then land a few. Before you know it, you’ll have options. In the meantime, she may see this and reach out to you. Bonus.
Overthinking 101
Give it 3 days then move on
As others have said there’s a dumb 3 day rule here, but I do think if she were super interested you’d hear back the next day.
All that said you took a shot and should feel really proud of yourself. Most guys would sit there thinking about doing what you did and never have gotten up from their chair. I also agree with others it would have been better to have staff bring the drink if you were going to buy her one. But from your version this all sounds pretty respectful of her. Good luck and I hope to see a follow up!
You want to get her number, not give her yours.
Women, very broadly speaking, don’t initiate.
Yes, her texting you after you’ve initiated isn’t intiating, but it’s close enough.
Chances are she won’t follow up with you. Sucks but that’s how it goes.
How did you text her first? You gave her your number.
I’m a lot older than you, so feel free to take with a grain of salt.
Please, please do not get a target fixation lock on her. Just keep doing life like you usually do. If she reaches out, then bonus! If you run into her in public again, be friendly (but don’t gush), be polite (but don’t be a doormat). She a regular person just like you.
Unlike many others here, I’m okay that you didn’t get her info. Totally different if she had offered, of course.
If her number was legit and she hasn’t responded, she may have her reasons. Sending a volley of text msgs suggests desperation or control, which are turn-offs for anyone. Anyone who suggests “but you need to show her you’re interested” might have missed the fact that the 2 of you already had a good conversation. If you’ve ever wondered why car salespeople are the way they are, you can probably appreciate wanting to be left alone. Corollary: getting badgered -> high pressure sales -> irritation -> less than ideal opinion of the other party.
This goes both ways: if after a week/month/year she reaches out to you, don’t be offended that she finally decided to give you a shot. Again, she has her reasons. Let your actual interactions shape your opinion of her, and vice-versa.
She might be at the tail end of a failing relationship. She might be dealing with narcissistic family, or an ailing relative.
Please. Go enjoy life. Don’t get yourself twisted up waiting on her, or strategising what to do next.
Now go be awesome.
OP you better update us in a couple days
Your mistake was giving her your number, you should have asked for hers.
You did well . You would have done even better if you had walked out with her number or sm