I (34) been married to my wife (30) for 6 years. We both came out of toxic relationships where we’re cheated on, so building trust together was always important to us.
We’ve had some financial stress, but we always manage. I always make sure to treat her with food, mini vacations every now and then.
Lately, my wife started connecting online with her childhood friends. She connected with a female friend, and in the process with that friend’s guy cousin- both of whom are halfway around the world in Asia. Initially, she mentioned his name casually and that they were doing a group call to do some catching up. I was genuinely happy for her… until I started to realize that it’s just him in the call.
Two weeks into this, I started noticing some changes in my wife. She’s been dressing up nicer, leaving for work earlier, coming home later than usual. At home, she’s always has her headphones on, always on her phone texting. She never stopped showing affection to me, I could tell something was different.
I decided to do something I’ve never done in 6 years of our marriage- I looked through her phone to make sense of what’s happening.
What I found hit hard. For the past 3 weeks, they have been talking to each other non stop!! They been exchanging texts, audio messages, photos throughout the day, every single day. The messages are not harmful, but some are definitely flirty. The one that didn’t sit well with me was from him that said something like, “Do you like Imagine dragons? If yes, imagine dragging these b***s across your face,” and my wife replied with a giggling voice message “you ha..you’re too much haha.” Not sure whether to laugh or be mad.
On top of that, she texts him “Good morning, Sunshine” which was something she used to say to me when we first started dating and texting. That one really hurt.
I also checked the call logs- 5+ calls in a day. Most of the calls are quick, but there’s always one during her lunch break that lasts around an hour. She usually checks in with me briefly at the start of lunch, then says she has admin work to finish. But that’s when she calls him. He’s in a completely different time zone and stays up until 3am just to talk to her during that time.
So I feel stuck. I’m scared to bring it up because I don’t want to come off as insecure or controlling, but at the same time this doesn’t feel okay. I have never and would never talk like that to any female friends of mine.
I keep bouncing between doubting myself and feeling completely heartbroken. I honestly don’t know what to think or what to do.