i (f20) and my new boyfriend have just began having sex. i’ve been single for 2 years, and prior to that break i was in a really abusive relationship, and my nervous system is taking a really long time to reset.
the last time i had sex with him, he got a bit rough because he was about to climax and my body went completely limp. he stopped, and i had to take a second to breathe. i rolled over and just started breathing and he could tell something was wrong, so he just held me. it took me about 10 minutes to get a word out to explain what happened, to which he was really understanding, and willing to work on it together.
for those 10 minutes and the whole time we were having sex, i was in my head and couldn’t get myself to relax or be present. i was on autopilot. i initiated it too, which is the frustrating part. it’s not completely mental either, my mouth will get dry, my hands will go numb, i’ll get weak, and my brain will be completely elsewhere while my body just reciprocates whatever he’s doing. i’m in therapy, but i’d honestly prefer advice from here since hers hasn’t been the most helpful. if anybody relates, i’d love to hear