TL;DR: My husband is bad with money and keeps putting us in financial trouble with being so irresponsible. Steals money when I'm not home and I can't say no since I'm not there. Thinks I'm a child since I'm 10 years younger and doesn't listen to me even though I've gotten his finances more manageable since we've been together. Love the man, just super annoyed with this.
I'm posting from a burner account since he follows me. It's pretty long, but I'm pretty annoyed.
I'm so pissed off right now! I'm 37 and my husband is 47. My husband and I don't have amazing jobs, but we make just enough to afford most of our bills (sometimes we have to use credit cards to make ends meet). I deliver food and he works at big box store. Every paycheck we take between $5-10 depending on what we can afford that check and put it in a lockbox in case of emergencies. We finally got up to $1,000 and he got drunk while I was working, took all of it and went to the the casino (Uber) to play cards and he lost it all. We can't keep it in the bank because we both have a hard time not spending it.
Now, I'm not stupid and I know that he isn't great with money. He was living with a roommate when we got together and they were constantly getting payday loans to get drunk and go to casinos. He was paying back child support so he had even less money than he makes now. He has been foreclosed on a house he was buying and more recently had been evicted from a rental. Since we got together he has trusted me with his finances and we finally got caught up on the child support, he stopped taking out payday loans, we own our mobile home, have 2 nice cars that were almost paid off, and his credit score is now good enough that he gets approved for credit cards… which is a problem because he uses them a lot which has made us start struggling again. He only told me about the cards after he had gotten approved and received 5 new ones. We have had to take a $10,000 loan through the bank to pay off the credit cards, thankfully they just added it to the loan of one of our cars.
Every time we get comfortable and I start trusting him with our money again he goes on a spending spree. Once he even waited until I fell asleep and got in my wallet and maxed out 3 of my emergency credit cards as well as maxing out all of his. I got pissed and yelled at him and now he just constantly maxes his own cards out because I made it clear if he got in my wallet again I would leave him. It just seems like every single time we get enough money set aside that I start to feel a bit comfortable he goes and spends it all. I had hidden money and saved up $1,200 to take him on vacation when he retired from the military and he got mad at me for hiding money so I try not to hide it anymore, but then he goes and HAS to spend it for some freaking reason.
We both come from poor families and I really want to break the cycle. I sometimes get the spending bug, but I'll spend up to $100 max before I remember what has happened to my family and I stop. I don't want to lose my home (its a trailer that we own but we have to pay lot rent every month) and struggle the way I've seen all of them do. My husband says he wants to break the cycle too, but then he spends so much that we almost can't pay our bills without using a credit card.
He treats me like a child because I'm 10 years younger than him and it pisses me off to no end because I'm much better with finances than he is and he has refused to listen to me about them anymore. I tried explaining him things, sharing so many resources urging him to learn. I absolutely love my husband because he has done a lot for me, including cutting back on his drinking and how often he goes to the casino, but I still just get so frustrated sometimes.
I have taken his key to the lockbox so he can't get in it unless I'm home anymore. It just sucks that it had to come to this since I can't trust him with our money no matter how hard I've tried.
I'm adding an edit since this paints him in such a bad light: he got me away from my abusive (mentally, physically, and financially) family that used me so much I didn't have time to take care of myself and I was constantly sick. He makes more money than I do and I was managing the finances until we got everything under control and he started doing some of them to lighten my load. He buys me things when he is randomly thinking of me and thinks I would enjoy it. He hates celebrating holidays but does it anyway because I absolutely love them. He puts up with my last minute ideas and changes. He has gone on every diet I've tried since I've gained weight and am trying to lose it. He actually tells me to call my friend if I've had a bad day and he can't help. He showers me with lots of love and affection and compliments. He refuses to let me give up when I am doing things I enjoy. He keeps in contact with his daughter to this day and tries to see her at least twice a year since she lives several states away. He just has his problems due to things from his past. His only issue is struggling with managing finances and I'm trying to educate him about it. If you're in similar situation, please don't hesitate to ask help or do research. Internet has tons of stuff. Personally, these I sent these blogs to my husband, but you can start wherever and still manage finances pretty efficiently.