Hey everyone,
I’ve realized my confidence in bed is really tied to whether my partner orgasms. In my two previous long-term relationships (10+ years combined), my partners finished every single time, and it was intense and consistent. Because of that, sex was frequent, spontaneous, and adventurous. For me, the most fulfilling part wasn’t just my own experience, but knowing I could reliably make them feel that good.
With my current partner, it’s different. She can orgasm, but it’s about 50/50. Sex happens less often, and when she doesn’t finish she usually just says, “It’s fine.” Honestly, that hits me like a gut punch, like getting a participation trophy just for showing up. I’m an athlete and entrepreneur, so I naturally measure success in results, and it’s tough not to equate her orgasm with my ability as a partner.
She’s told me many of her past experiences weren’t worth remembering or weren’t enjoyable. I can’t tell if that’s to protect my ego, or if that’s just how she really feels. Either way, it leaves me questioning myself: am I not giving her what others did, or is this just who she is sexually?
Has anyone else struggled with tying their self-worth to their partner’s orgasm? How did you separate your confidence from those “results”? And how do you keep sex exciting and connected even when the orgasm isn’t guaranteed?