My wife and I have been married for 6 years now. Two kids, 5 and 3 (both girls). My wife has a degenerative disability that has her pretty much permanently wheelchair bound since the birth of our first child in 2020. She also has PCOS as well as severe anxiety and depression/anger issues. Lately I feel like if I’m not helping around the house, nothing gets done. She complains about how hard it is all day with the kids (which I can understand to a certain degree based on when I am home alone with them from time to time giving her a break here and there when time permits) but yet I come home after working 2 jobs, going to school to get a better job, and driving rideshare for upwards of 70-75 hours a week so that we can survive in this economy while she doesn’t work. Side note: She does pull $1,100 a month in disability, so it helps a little…But as I said, I come home from working all the time and the house is in shambles. Living room is littered with food crumbs and trash, spills everywhere. Bathroom is covered with dirty clothes and dirty sink and toilet. The bedrooms are a disaster that you cannot walk through to the other side of the room. Dishes are never washed. If we want a hot meal, I have to cook it myself when I get home or I have to have the kitchen super clean and setup for her to cook. The kids have very little structure and I recently found out some mornings she just doesn’t even bother waking up til after the kids have been awake and mostly unsupervised for anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours. Yet when I come home, all I get are complaints about how hard things are and how she has no help nor anyone to talk to and that I am not doing enough. She chastises me anytime I get frustrated and complain yet she complains constantly and yells and sometimes swears at the children (from what I’ve seen, could be worse while I’m not home, we don’t have any monitoring cameras in the home). Our oldest is old enough to go to kindergarten this fall which I think would be helpful but she is too paranoid of indoctrination and DEI crap in schools that she wants to homeschool. She also buys all these expensive homeopathic, herbal and other non-pharmaceutical medicines and remedies that cost a ton of money, as well as $25 bottles of shampoo and conditioner and other expensive personal care products. The kids get into them fairly often and they have to be replaced and she also leaves stuff open and caps and lids off bottles for them to be knocked over and spilled on the regular. She also NEVER puts leftovers away from dinners that are cooked and I am having to check and put them away at 2 am when I get home from work/driving, or else they go bad. Yet constantly everything wrong with our relationship is blamed on my complaining and negativity. Don’t get me wrong, I could work on positivity and being better myself, nobody is perfect and I get impatient with my kids as much if not more than the next dad. But am I an a-hole for feeling like she doesn’t pull her weight, despite the disability? If she would move around more and exercise a little more and (according to her doctors) would lose some weight, she’d gain some mobility back. It’s very discouraging and I love her more than life itself, but I don’t know how I can relay a lot of this to her without sounding negative or insensitive. Cause she is so easily offended and upset all the time.