trigger warning: mentions of SA
hi. i (20f) have found myself multiple times now crying after intimacy, specifically encounters where my partner and i have sex but only he gets off and i do not.
i have a past history of multiple sexual assaults. once when i was thirteen and then a few uncomfortable and bad experiences from my first year in college. this is something deeply traumatic for me and has obviously rerouted the way that i experience and process things like sex.
i love my boyfriend more than anything and there is nothing he does to make me feel uncomfortable or used. we’ve been together for nearly a year and i feel confident that this is the man i will marry one day.
i just feel so guilty about crying whenever we have sex and i don’t get off. he feels awful about it even if i don’t show any emotion. i feel horrible putting him in that position because it truly isn’t his fault and it’s not like it’s something he can control. this is the first time i’ve ever experienced something like this throughout my dating life and it makes me feel really insecure and sad. any advice or thoughts, or even just affirmations that i’m not a bad person is appreciated lol