Me F(25) and husband M(26) have been married for a year and together for 6 years. I’m American and he’s Japanese. We moved to Japan after getting married last year. I am also 8 weeks pregnant. I have been through a lot in the past with finally moving out of my family home when I was 20 and out with a lot of depression after moving out and then a lot of depression after Covid and being separated from my husband for about a year. My College life was not the best so I think that also contributed to depression. Being with my husband, I knew I had a lot of flaws and he does very well with pointing them out even if it was in the past and I try my best to do better. I am the type of person who will not let my past decide who I am and even though I fell, sometimes I try to get back on my feet. I do very well with managing cleaning in the household and taking care of the household and just one thing I feel like I have a lot to work on is cooking Especially here in Japan. I used to do very poorly with managing finances in college however, I feel like I made a huge change to that however, it wasn’t me who pushed the change It was my husband and mainly because we would argue about it a lot. So fast forward to tonight’s argument.
I have been dying of nausea and extreme fatigue and whatever I smell or even think about makes me want to throw up. So lately we have been eating out a lot more since I found out I was pregnant, which was around three weeks and I can’t see that it kind of bothers my husband that all I want to eat is American food that I can find here in Japan, which are all takeout But at the moment he seems like it doesn’t bother him. So tonight I wanted pasta and saw the look on his face that didn’t look too happy so I kind of just changed it to a kids meal happy meal at McDonald’s which was way cheaper and then he just changed his mind and decided to go to Jolly pasta because I didn’t eat that much today. Now we’re at the table and I could already feel his feelings are off and by the way, he’s acting and the way he looks that he was already mad so I asked him if he was OK and he then went on a conversation about talking about me cooking and that we’re not doing very well with cooking at home to me. I understand that and it was all good until he continued to tell me that I am still not the person who does that because I wasn’t that type of person when we used to live in the states in college and even a year after college when I was working a very hard construction job. I honestly clean the house and take care of our three dogs and I hate washing dishes with the passion because no matter whether I’m cooking breakfast lunch or dinner there is always going to be dishes and it automatically just turns me off from wanting to cook, but because my husband likes eating at home I try to do my best with cooking well before I was pregnant. I told him I understand that we need to cook more and that I haven’t been doing very well with it and even offer that I could cook for him only since he likes to eat at home and I would just find out what I would want to eat later And he said no. I did mention that I didn’t like the fact that he always have to bring up the pass to make it seem like that is still the person that I am now even though I am absolutely trying my best to not be the same person and it always seems like no matter how much I try to do something. It does not matter because of the person I was before no when I told him that I didn’t like maybe how he said it and the fact that he always has to refer back to the person I was he then just said this is what happens when I speak up and you always take it like I’m judging you For me. I think there is a lot that I don’t get mad at him about and I try not to refer to how he was before but it’s not
Like that with him. I was crying and told him that it seems like he’s placing the full blame on me when he can say “I can give you a hand with something to figure it out” but of course that wouldn’t be something he would say. He has gotten mad about the clothes not being washed, the dishes not being washed, he checks all the time to see if I’m actually taking care of my dogs like feeding, walking, etc. and if the house is clean. Some days I’m just for energetic and I get it, I slack. But he gets mad when I don’t do it and refers to my times of depression when I didn’t do anything. I just tell him that I’m sorry that I’m not enough for you and that I should probably just moved back to the states if I don’t do anything. He just says “see always the extreme”. I’m no longer flying and want to go cry in the car so I say I’m just gonna go to the car. Then, he always has to whisper something about me when I’m about to leave. I end up just going out to the car and crying.
Like I know I’m not perfect and I’m trying my best but I feel like the constant doubt and comparing me to my worst is going to hold me back.
Was I the bad person in this situation?