Context ** My boyfriend (M28) and I (F24) have been together for close to two years. We have done mid-distance (~4 hours away) for the last 14 months. We do talk about our future and moving in with each other/get engaged. We plan to do make the move 1.5 years from now and have a set timeframe.
The Issue – His family was supposed to go on an out of the country trip this year but ended up needing to postpone it to next year for unforeseen circumstances. They still wanted to do something that weekend to all get together (since they don't all live in the same cities- all graduated adults), so they are planning a "stay-cation" and doing a weekend in a semi-close-by town (~3 hour drive). This town is close to where my boyfriend lives.
I asked what weekend they were planning to go and he said they were considering two weekends. I reminded him I was planning to come up to see him weekend 1 and he responded "well I'll tell my mom to do the next weekend."
I was shocked that it was so important to make sure it's a weekend I won't be there. He said his mom only wants it to be the "core family". I never expected to be invited to the out of the country trip (around ~15k per person) but once it got postponed and became a small ordeal, I at least thought I would be a consideration. This is just not the way my family is, as they try to be very inclusive. (Our families are in a very similar financial situation – upper middle class). I would drive myself – my boyfriend and I could just stay at his apartment that weekend – I could cover my meals.
Every time I stay at their house, they are very nice to me. It's just this "stay-cation" and Christmas last year, that I have not felt welcomed.
Context ** For Christmas, my boyfriend and I wanted to spend the holidays together, however his mom was sad that it wasn't just going to be the "core" family. She eventually invited me, after my boyfriend told me she wasn't in love with the idea (yes, he did regret doing that). Even though, he originally told me he wanted to spend Christmas together, when his mother pushed back he accepted that until I was upset.
Any advice would be appreciated!! I feel like appeasing his mother is the priority over my feelings. Had he come to me and said he was upset I wasn't invited, I don't think I would be upset. I'm upset because, it's just what she wants and he "doesn't think it's a big deal." Also any advice for maintaining a relationship with his mother would be helpful. I really do feel I am growing some frustration with feeling excluded. I don't think a piece of jewelry or one day should change how someone is being treated.
TL;DR:
My boyfriend (M28) and I (F24) have been together for nearly 2 years, doing long-distance for the past 14 months. His family had to postpone an international trip and planned a small weekend "staycation" instead. When I reminded him I was planning to visit that weekend, he told his mom to pick the other weekend—because she only wants “core family.” This, along with how Christmas was handled last year (I was reluctantly invited after pushback), has made me feel excluded and unimportant. I’m frustrated that my boyfriend prioritizes keeping his mom happy over making me feel considered. Looking for advice on navigating this dynamic and how to manage a relationship with a mother who seems to keep me at arm’s length.