My husband and I have sex averaging once a week and it's obviously not nothing but he wants more and I have to reject him.

I rejected him 4 months ago and he hasn't spoken a word to me since, I tried to match his energy for a month and then I gave up and tried to talk.

He refused to speak. Yesterday I finally cracked and told him that marriage might end if he kept doing it and he still refused to speak to me.

I don't know what to do here. It's not like his silent treatment is not harming him. He is missing out on sex we could have had.

I don't know what to do here. Anyone with experience regarding it.


47 comments

  1. You told him the marriage might end if it didn’t get resolved and it seems like he doesn’t want to resolve it. Maybe ask him if he wants to divorce.

  2. Wait he hasnt said a word to you in 4 months?

    Thats abuse

    WTF

    How do you get stuff done and you havent spoken in 4 months?

    Is this in the same house?

    How do the kids feel that they havent seen you guys talk?

    This is kind of unbelievable to think about

    4 months of no communication

    How do you do things together?

    So many questions

  4. Wait, just to clarify: he hasn’t said A SINGLE WORD to you for FOUR months?

    That’s…obscene.

    Ma’am, excuse the bluntness, but the best thing you can do for your own mental health is leave him. He’s engaging in some world class childish behavior. I’n not even sure why you’d want to have sex with him, ever again.

  5. Four months? This marriage is already over. I can’t hold a grudge against my wife for four hours!

  6. *Four months* of the silent treatment is inexcusable. Either he wants to work through a problem, or he doesn’t and should leave

    Silent treatment is a childish manipulation tactic.

  8. Unless you did something terrible like cheated on him or you treat him badly (?) this silent treatment is unacceptable. Are you sleeping in the same room at this point?
    Do you have family or friends that you could stay with? I don’t know what your situation is, but the silent treatment is abusive. Do you also give him the silent treatment when you are angry? Because it is abuse. I suggest you seek counseling and a lawyer.

  9. For all the ppl asking about the four months of silence, my mom once didn’t talk to me for eighteen months and I saw her multiple times a week back then. Toxic ppl are very good at this and then out of nowhere will just start talking like all is well. It’s abusive bx.

    You need to look at your options. Good luck.

  11. So many questions need answering here since the situation is rough and we have not been given much information from you OP:

    Have you always been once a week couple?
    If not, did this start after kids?
    How old are the kids and how long has this been going on?
    Have you two sat down and discussed the issue around your drive or have you unilaterally been rejecting him?
    When you have sex, do you want to do it and initiate it or does he have to do so?

    If you answer these honestly, people will be able to help accordingly and appropriately.

  13. Wait… so him not talking to you for months didn’t make you want to have sex with him more? Im shocked!

  14. Intentionally withholding affection is abusive behavior. I don’t often tell people to leave. I believe that 2 people who want to make a marriage work, can make it work. But what you’re describing is a marriage already lost. Leave.

  16. I don’t believe in sex because you have to. I believe in sex because you want to.

    With that said, I’m still lost as to why you “have” to reject him.

  18. So you exercised your bodily autonomy and your husband has thrown a 4 month long tantrum? Why is he still your husband? He clearly doesn’t care for you in the least.

  19. Do you have anyone you can talk to, Maybe a friend of his or his parents this is not normal

  20. The silent treatment only teaches a partner that they can get along just fine—actually easier—if the petulant one wasn’t there at all.

  21. He’s a petulant child. “I don’t have sex with children.” Is all he needs to hear beyond the simple “no”. He’s trying to coerce you into sex. I’d disappear so fast.

  24. sorry your husband is as mature as a preteen girl.

    that kind of stinks!!!

    just get a lawyer. who would ever want to have sex with such a ridiculous man-child?

  26. Hmmm…reminds me of someone I know with borderline personality disorder. Using silent treatment as a punishment and claiming to always be a victim…this is abuse.

  27. What’s his relationship like with the kids ? I feel like there’s a lot of context missing . Do you guys also indulge in non intimate moments ? Who initiates etc

    The silent treatment is annoying.
    It needs to stop . Perhaps drag his ass to counselling

  28. After a certain point that once a week sex isn’t worth the hassle OP. If it means jerking off one more time than before, does it really matter?

    Your husband has shut down completely. You have every right to not want sex and he has every right to want it.

  29. Wow, that even beats Eddy (the cousin of my ex who was famous for the silent treatment). Even he couldn’t go 4 months.

    I’m surprised you haven’t left yet. I can’t cope with the silent treatment (I was taught that by bedtime, it had to be over, even if it was just a muttered “good night.”)

    Does he have an affair partner? I would bet that he’s talking elsewhere. Sounds like he really can’t stand you and is done with you, but is willing honor the idea that he made a vow to stay (but he also vowed to love and honor you).

  30. The silent treatment is emotional abuse. It is extremely psychologically damaging to me. I wouldn’t give anyone I think even a little fondly of the silent treatment, much less a good friend or someone I love. It makes me feel disposable and worthless, and I couldn’t live with myself if I knew I made someone else feel that way. I can’t stress enough how awful the silent treatment makes me feel, especially after trying to reach out to repair whatever has caused someone to do that to me. And FOUR MONTHS?! I am an empty shell of myself after a week. He needs intense professional help.

  31. 4 months??? 4 MONTHS OF SILENT TREATMENT?

    Ma’am, I’d have given him the warning by Day 2 (and that’s assuming I could actually find the patience for his bullshit) and by month 2 I’d have been at a lawyers office… that’s no marriage, may as well make it official.

  32. First paragraph, why “do you have to reject him”?

    I think the silent treatment is childish but answer the above and it will shed light.

  33. I am beyond confused!

    Sooo…
    You two could’ve had sex if he talked to you..and the reason he’s not talking is bc you refused him sex……
    And why do you HAVE to refuse him?

  35. You said if he doesn’t speak, you’re going to divorce him.

    He didn’t speak.

    He WANTS YOU TO DIVORCE HIM.

  38. You stop worrying about what to do!! He is acting like a child and is being abusive to you, using sexual coercion. Frankly I use to put up with this type of behavior it wouldn’t go for 4 months but it made me want sex even less when he acted this way. And has contributed to our dead bedroom.

  40. If my husband didn’t talk to me in 4 months? I’d be getting a lawyer and getting divorced. And if my husband demanded sex? Same. I don’t do that immature bullshit passive aggressive carry on.

    Always amazes me that so many women put up with such utter nonsense.

  41. The real question is why would you want to stay with him at all after this?

  44. My father used the silent treatment like a sledgehammer. As an adult I will never tolerate it again

  45. Your husband is acting like a narcissistic child. He cares more about getting laid than your marriage. Kick him out and talk to a lawyer.

  47. my wife came to sleep with me l when I got upset for few days, sleeping in a different room.

    it was over something she did wrong and realised she was in the wrong.

    that was her way of saying sorry and I accepted her apology and we moved on

    =/=/=
    added clarity since I have generated negative reaction from judgemental individuals .

    so I had some limited edition items of very good value that were very dear to me since they were a present from my uncle and I kept them secure and safe. I dont know what got into my wife and she binned them, she didnt even pawn them or gifted them to someone. I didnt realise for a year and we moved home. whenever I will ask for them she will say they were nicely packed in the suitcases. I eventually started looking for them and went through everything and to my dread realised she got rid of them. WW2 Full British fighter pilot fatigue and kit marked with serial numbers maps, compass etc.

    I broke down and complained why she did it as I was emotionally attached with them she was silent and realised she shouldn’t have done it.

    I didnt shout or throw things but stopped taking to her and silently started sleeping secretly until we kissed and made up.

Leave a Reply