I’m 25 (F) and my husband is 30. We got engaged a few months ago. Since he comes from a different nationality and religious background, gaining my parents’ approval was very difficult. Coming from a traditional, conservative Asian family, it took him a full year of persistence to finally earn my father’s blessing and, eventually, my family’s acceptance.
Before we met, he was upfront with me about his past. He had been divorced, and while it’s a long story I won’t get into here, the marriage was mutual but not genuine. His girlfriend at the time kept pressuring him to propose, and he eventually gave in just to put an end to it. A few years later, he left her, and not long after that, he met me. About a month into talking, he told me he was divorced. He admitted he had been afraid to tell me because he didn’t want me to think less of him or let it change how I felt. Honestly, it didn’t matter much to me at the time.
What I never told my parents, though, is that he had been married before. I know that sounds terrible, but I also know that if I had mentioned it, they would have rejected him without hesitation. It had already taken him so much effort and sacrifice to earn my father’s approval (things I can’t even begin to describe) just for them to finally see him as worthy of marrying me. Coming from a conservative and religious family is already hard enough, and adding his past marriage into the picture would have completely ruined any chance we had. Sometimes I do feel guilty for hiding that from them, but I truly felt it was the only way.
My husband actually wanted to tell them, but I was the one who stopped him. I was terrified that if my parents knew about his past, they would reject him outright and there would be no way to change their minds. It does make me feel guilty at times, but I also know that if I had told them back then, I wouldn’t be with him today.
How do you cope with something like this? Sometimes I think about telling them someday, maybe later on, since at that point there would be nothing they could do. But even then, I still feel guilty. I guess I’m just looking for advice—has anyone else ever lied to their parents to hide something, just to prevent the truth from causing chaos?
And please, spare me the lecture about being a bad person for not telling them, it’s something that already weighs heavily on me. What I really want to know is if anyone else has ever hidden something from their parents, and whether you felt it was the right choice.