Problem: is it normal for guys to send pics of girls on their swimsuit or even naked to their groupchat and tell them they’re “yummy”
Context: We recently went to the beach for a vacation and there were obviously many girls only wearing swimsuits and some of them didn’t have tops. My husband got his closest friends in a groupchat and I know that they always send each other pictures of some girls they find hot or pretty and that’s fine with me. But I find the recent pics he sent to his friends quite offensive in a way that he’s telling his friends that those girls are really “yummy” and “I guess their pussies are salty”
I didn’t tell my husband that I read those comments but I feel nauseous right now and I really wanted to know if that’s normal for guys to do that.
Previous attempt: We have a common friend that is married who keeps on looking at girls but he’s vocal about it and I told my husband that I find it weird that he’s going on a vacation just to look at the girls. But I now know that he’s doing it too.
I also need advices on how to deal with this because I really hate him right now.
39 comments
Um, no, it’s not normal, at least for my husband and his friends.
Ask him if he’d be okay with you taking pics of hot guys, and making comments about their di*ks being salty. My guess is he wouldn’t. Better yet, just start loudly pointing out every hot guy to him.
No this is not normal and should not be normalized. It’s gross, tbh. A married man who is with his wife is texting photos taken without permission to a bunch of other grown men to ogle. Does that sound normal to you?
Not normal. That is gross. I couldn’t be around people like that, personally.
It’s very immature at best. Most guys will not do this, even as teenagers.
It’s not normal. I’d be having a come to jesus talk with thi about this. It’s gross and disrespectful to you and your marriage. If things didn’t change after the talk, I’d be leaving.
Ew
Taking photos of these women without their consent is very unethical. Then on top of it sending them to friends with these comments he sounds like a creep. I would ask him to stop and if he wont, stop going to the beach with him. Then maybe seek counseling.
Your husband sounds like he is still in middle school.
Not normal at all ,in fact you should dig a little deeper that behavior most likely indicates that he’s not as attracted to you as you think he is..
People have to stop asking “Is it normal”. Just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it’s okay.
Yes, it is normal for men in East/SE Asia (where you’re at) to exchange random girls’ pictures and have creepy frat boy conversations in group chats. You even acknowledged that you are fine with it. It’s also normal for married men in Asia to visit prostitutes and/or have paid mistresses (if wealthy). Married women in Asia put up with this shit because men are the breadwinners and divorce is stigmatized.
You need to realize that this is absolutely NOT normal or okay for married men in other parts of the world. In the West taking a picture of a random woman would be a divorce issue. Sending it to friends would be a trip to the lawyer.
So don’t bother with what’s normal. Just ask what you are okay with. If you want to leave, you are 100% justified.
That is disgusting. And no, not normal. Even for single men.
Even when I was a teenager, if a friend of mine did this, my response would be “what the fuck is wrong with you, dude?” If they continued doing it, they would no longer be my friend.
Is he taking pictures of girls on your vacation? Or are these like models who posted photos online? Either way it’s horrible but if it’s pictures of people without their consent that is wild. I would be very uncomfortable and I would likely be having a real conversation about either it stops or I go.
It’s not normal and it’s creepy. For a grown man he should be embarrassed
No, this is fucking weird for an adult man to be doing. My wife and I might point out someone who is particularly gorgeous to each other when we’re out and about? But to take a photo of a stranger and send it to friends speaks to a total lack of respect for other women.
It’s not ok and not normal. Are you prepared to be the “wife” when some young woman catches him and blasts his creepiness all over social media? Because this is bound to happen.
Nah Im a 40 year old man and have never done this. None of my buddies do either, at least not with me.
What a terrible way for you to spend your vacation. This is horrible.
Not normal at all. Extremely creepy and disrespectful of you and your relationship. That would have me setting up a come to Jesus meetings with hard boundaries and marriage counseling required.
Not ok.
I can’t believe how many posts I read like this. Do guys really get married to women they don’t like or respect?? I’m obsessed with my wife and would never take pics of other women to share with my bros. Gross behavior!
I’ve (M36) never encountered anyone who is taking pictures of women in public, let alone sending those pictures to their friends. That is super gross behavior. I wouldn’t want to be friends with anyone who did that and I’d certainly never do it myself. I honestly can’t even imagine having a friendship where I was sending pictures of women back and forth with other guy friends. I truly don’t understand why that would be appealing.
Not normal, and not acceptable. Absolutely disgusting.
Aside from it’s rude for him to do that while married…what about the girls he’s taking pictures of? And he was talking about their genitals?? If I were one of them I’d be upset and so freaked out.
What if one of those women was actually under the age of 18?
I’d be very upset if I found out men were taking pics of me and sending them to their friends. Your husband is gross.
Never once sent a photo like that to any of my friends.
Kind of creepy
My husband does not do this, let alone have some group chat. So no, not all men are like that. That’s also creepy af.
It is very immature and nasty for a full grown man to act this way. Gross.
This is so not normal and gross behavior. He’s your husband and as such he should be wanting to grow and mature with you – clearly that’s not happening.
Divorce… why’d you marry this pig?
It’s normal for gross 14 year old boys. Grown up men don’t do this.
Your husband sounds very horny. How often do you have sex? I suggest you have a calm but stern conversation with him explaining to him that this behavior makes him very unattractive to you, and it changes your perspective of him. There is a difference between taking a quick glance, appreciating seeing something nice, but he’s gone on full creep mode, he’s gotta relax.
Ask him how he would feel if he had a daughter and some creepy ass men were taking pictures of her in her bikini and sending to other men.
You shouldn’t marry teenagers /s
As a married man in his young 30s and former young single guy – I’ll boldly tell you, this guys an outright loser. If one of my friends ever sent a creep photo of a woman in our group chat and/or spoke about a woman like that, they’d be ostracized incredibly fast. He’s just a f’n loser, sorry.
ETA. Speaking of my inner circle in attempt to be clear/relatable…. We’re no saints.. we’re guys. But this is just absurdly loser/incel/pathetic behavior.
This is gross on so many levels.
This was my husband but at the gym. He used to take pics of girls asses and send it to his friend group chat. It was disgusting. They would join in and send pics of the same nature but they would all reference him. Like here this one’s for you _____. What’s even more disgusting is we have 2 daughters.
Thank you everyone for the insights. Tbh back of my mind thinks the same thing. I’m just being denial because of our kids. I have to be strong now and I wanna leave him. But I don’t know how to bring this up. He doesn’t know that I was checking his ipad from time to time.
Taking pictures of people like that without any consent is extremely creepy behavior.
So I know I’m going to get flak for this, but its reality even if its not liked.
It IS normal for a guy to look at other women even if he is with his wife, and yes, even take pics of them in public, because you are in public, while the polite thing to do would be to ask, the risk is that you get called a creep, pedo or anything else. But that is also assuming HOW he takes their pics isn’t in a creepy way, too.
As for the comments he makes with his friends, it’s just fantasy talk, no different than what women do, but men and women do it differently.
that said, if you don’t like him doing it with you there, 100% ok, just tell him that you find it creepy and not to do it around you, if he doesn’t, do the same thing towards other men you see.
I guess you could say its the inside voice on the outside, but 90% of the women he has seen are probably forgotten about after about 5 min, then “SQUIRLE” effect kicks in, hey, what are we doing for dinner?
So yeah just tell him not to do it around you or your doing to do it about other men.