My boyfriend told me he hoped to propose by October of 2024…That never happened. Then he promised me when he made a sale for his small business he would propose…the sale came and the proposal didn’t. He hoped to propose in 2025 between our birthdays…Our birthdays came and the proposal didn’t. We had a sit down conversation about what the future looks like and I said I wanted to get married soon. He then asked if he could take my next paycheck (I help him with his business on the side) and take half of it to put towards my ring. I got offended and stormed off because who asks that? I believe a man should be a provider. Him asking for my money, gave broke and he wasn’t happy when I called him out for it.
fyi: i work more than 40 hours a week. i picked up another job after only working 25 hours a week because he said he would only marry me if i had a full time job. i fully intend to keep these jobs (hours) even after marriage.
19 comments
I think you guys have stuff to work on before getting engaged or married.
Nah, i’ll say good for him, i hope he changed his mind about marrying you
And holler we want prenup, we want prenup. Cause I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger.
Your boyfriend has a decade on you and can’t save $2300 for a ring. Think twice before legally binding yourself to this…
Not sure if my response is what you’re looking for, but we got engaged with his mom’s set (its beautiful and I love it), but we couldn’t find his father’s ring so we had to buy him a new ring. It did cost more than getting my set resized, but I was happy to get married to him than I was on how much got spent on who.
the above reads more like financial miscommunication or possibly being on different pages or places in the relationship. Having frank conversations about each expectations and being honest is more important, IMO than anything else.
My husband also wanted to wait for financial stability, maintaining his internal needs to meet some imaginary expectation(s) he had in his own head that kept holding him back, but he also had major health scares at one point and it took us ten years to get married.
I feel like maybe you two don’t have the same values in life and he shouldn’t be marrying you at all. And he probably knows that deep down, which is why it took him so long.
What no way what a loser he is. Dump him!
You both suck. Him for being 10 years older than you, you for expecting a man to be the financial provider. When you love some for real, you’d happily support yourself financially.
If you want a man who will buy you a (relatively cheap $2300) ring, then go find one, but he is not that guy. He obviously does not care about proposing or the ring as much as you do, which is why it hasn’t happened and he hasn’t bought it.
People will say you’re shallow or whatever, but you don’t actually have to settle for a guy who knows what is important to you and does not care.
You did him a favor, truly. If you firmly believe a man should be a provider, are you the one cooking his meals, washing his clothes, keeping the house clean? I know it sounds very outdated and “boomer” of me, but if you want to rely on a man to provide for you, you should make sure you’re a woman worth providing for.
I understand being upset about this. However, I think there is something deeper here if he is not able to purchase your engagement ring without financial assistance from you what would the wedding look like? What would your finances look like during marriage? Maybe we need to take a pause on any hefty buys or anything of that nature and kind of make sure that you guys have your finances in order. Many people get divorces over money situations at least you kinda know that he’s not necessarily financially stable prior to getting into something such as a huge commitment of marriage.
What do you expect? He’s 10 years older. He was stringing you along and you went for it because you’re young and dumb.
At 22, there’s no rush to get married if you truly loved him. That feels like a lot for a ring but I could be wrong. I wouldn’t want an expensive ring for my partner to be buying for me especially if you also want a wedding ring. If you have to beg for a proposal, it’s either never going to happen or you’ll get a shut up ring and a lifetime of misery.
You had me until “I believe a man should be the provider”. You want to marry this man and you have no idea how he handles money, what he views his role to be and yours to be, and he doesn’t know any of those things about you, either.
You all are not ready to get married. Do you know how much, if any, either of you have saved? Do you have retirement accounts? Debt? Student loans?
And lord, the age difference. Find a man your own age and build a life together, starting from scratch.
Why do you want to marry this guy anyways?
Marriage = a partnership where both partners contribution, either work/financially or in the household.
You want marriage, but you’re mad at him for asking to use your extra paycheck from HIS business to pay for the ring you specifically want, instead of a cheaper engagement ring.
You’re only 22 and certainly not contributing the same level financially that he is at 32 and him being a business owner.
IF you don’t see the hypocrisy of this, you need to seriously mature more before you’re ready for any adult relationship, let alone a marriage.
You’re acting like an entitled brat who wants the world served to them on a platter. And you’ll be lucky he doesn’t wise up and find a woman who contributes more to the household.
If you two are paycheque to paycheque, needing to borrow from each-other to buy engagement rings.
Maybe we focus on other things first before we chase the milestones.
Seems like the financial side of things need serious attention before even stepping foot in the next stage.
Money will matter in marriage, at least financial stability. Need a foundation to work with for marriage and that side of things sounds completely shot.
For him to be 32 years old and not even have 2300 in the bank… Maybe its better none of this happens at all.
This is crazy. Why is the size of ring so important? If you really love each other isn’t it more about the Love than the ring. I started with a smaller ring and then got a larger one later on that my husband had made for me. It’s beautiful. Do you have to “keep up with the Jones’s” type of ring. Because everybody does?? Or is it for love? Back to your other question, no he shouldn’t ask you for money for your ring. If he’s doing that, maybe he isn’t good with money and you need to make some serious decisions
Girl do not marry this man, he is a joke. My husband took me to Tiffany’s and let me pick out the ring. I promise you want someone that wants you, and will do anything to be with you. Love is an action not a feeling.