All weekend I was working on a big project for her and her hobby, Sunday we went to church and the usual cycle started over. Nearly every Sunday, for all 15 years of marriage she has made the day hell for me. The nitpicking gets worse, nothing is right and she will pick apart everything I do.
I called her out on her behavior and said she needs to tell me what the root cause of this is, treating me like shit is no longer acceptable. She will essentially take the pastor's words out of context and try to push me down, this is literally every time we go and it's a burnout. Then the entire day until we go to bed she is an absolute bear to be around. I will be kind and compassionate as long as I can to try and hold some space for her. I am sure there is something underneath, but she refuses to open up saying 'every Sunday is shit.'
My eyes are finally opening up to her behaviors. Her maturity is stuck at 12-13 years old because that's when her trauma from her dad started, really bad S A.
On a similar note, I found after 14 years of marriage that every time I pulled into the driveway she was triggered because it was a trigger when she was growing up when her dad would come home. So every single day she would be triggered, and in her head I was her abusive dad. But all the while all those years she would never communicate this with me.
I have pleaded with her to go get some help since the anxious side of her is tearing us apart, doubting my every move and always acting out of fear. She did go a few times but dropped it because she said I was in her way, even though I was helping facilitate her with a full night alone for her to be in a therapy session, taking the kids out etc.
So eventually last night she threatened divorce and to burn down the garage and now I am thinking of what that looks like, if we continue this way I will probably die in the next ten years from all the stress.