Do you prioritize your partner? 40M/40F

My wife and I have been married for just over 3 years. For the past few months, we have gone through some tough times. There were a few things that kicked it off. There was a fairly sudden, noticeable change in the frequency of our communication as well as a change in the frequency/quality of our intimacy.

My wife and I work dayshift jobs, usually 9-5ish give or take. We used to be in constant communication all day. My wife would call me anytime she was leaving the office to go somewhere just so we could be on the phone together during her trip no matter what the duration and when she’d call, if we weren’t actively talking about something, she’d just want to stay on the phone with me.

I started to notice that my wife was not texting me as much throughout the day nor was she even calling me when she was leaving the office like she used to, this was paired with the change in our intimacy.

I went out of town to a concert with a couple buddies (two dudes) and she went to hang out with a couple of our friends whom we’ll call Kay and Jess (bisexual female couple). My wife had previously expressed her physical attraction to Jess and had been flirtatious back and forth with her which had been a topic of contention between us. While my wife was spending time with the girls, her communication with me was very minimal, almost non-existent.

My wife started her day hanging out with Kay while Jess was in class and was texting me and calling me randomly. Once it came time for Jess to get out of class, it seemed like the frequency of communication changed. I did get messages and pictures from my wife showing me that all 3 of them were just laying in bed. Kay was high and attempting to sleep while my wife and Jess were messing with her and taking videos of her and sending them to me.

Due to me already being uncomfortable with the situation and my wife spending this alone time with Jess, I was frequently watching her location since that was all I could do. One of the times that I had checked my wife’s location, I saw that they were not at Jess’ residence any longer and were in fact in route to our residence. My wife didn’t care to update me that she was on her way home.

All of the changes in our relationship caused me to overthink everything. My depression and anxiety peaked during this time. I resorted to going through my wife’s phone while she was sleeping, only to be caught doing so. This is what led to the conversation about how I had been feeling lately and what I’d been seeing.

During the conversation, I told my wife that I felt like she does not prioritize me in her life. I explained to her that I wasn’t asking for 100% constant conversation but instead, I was just hoping to be the forethought in her mind. My wife told me that she would not prioritize me while she was spending time with her friends because that is not fair to her friends. She said that it’s not fair to her friends to be on her phone and to not be 100% present during the time they are hanging out.

I’m not looking for updates every second of everyday. I’m just looking for a little tidbit that shows me that she is thinking of me (especially in the company of someone she’s physically attracted to). It doesn’t matter who I am with or where I am at, she is always on my mind and I will stay in constant contact with her all the while being present in what I’m doing.

Am I asking or expecting too much?