So I (27f) currently have a baby (11 weeks old) with my boyfriend (33m) who I've been with for a year now (yes I know that was very quick, it just happened a month into us dating). My boyfriend thought he wouldn't have kids as he was trying with an ex girlfriend for 7 years but it never happened, so I wasn't too worried about the fact I wasn't on birth control (due to reoccurring yeast infections and birth control made it worse) so it was a very lovely surprise when we found out I was pregnant. At our 20 week scan we found out he was a boy, but also they saw something was wrong with his heart. Long story short I ended up having a planned c section in London (2 and half hours away from home) and we had to stay there for 2 weeks while our baby had open heart surgery in a children's hospital. He is absolutely fine now and recovered amazingly. But as time goes on I realise I have some kind of ptsd from the whole thing and seeing what my baby boy was going through everyday was heart breaking. And even though he's fine now it still really affects me deeply. My boyfriend wants us to have another baby so our son has a sibling to grow up with but im still struggling with the events that occured from our sons birth and im not sure about having more. My boyfriend has also shown no interest in getting married to me one day. Even after asking him if we will ever get married he says the idea is nice but weddings are expensive and it's just a piece of paper. He knows I would love to get married one day but he really doesn't seem too interested in the same thing yet hes desperate for us to have another child. Ive always been a believer in being married before having a child, its how i was brought up even if thats not how things turned out it wouldnt have been more ideal. Is it fair of me to give him an ultimatum and tell him I'm not having another baby with him out of wedlock? And if he wants another child with me then we will have to be married first? I want to know if I'm being irrational before I put this forward to him.
Edit: I am now on the pill and due to have the coil inserted next week for the people screaming for me to go on birth control!