Hey everyone, I don’t usually post, but I really need a place to let this out.
My girlfriend (23F) and I (23M) have been together for almost a year, and she has been struggling with depression for most of our relationship. We live together, and I feel like it has been slowly wearing me down. Every day when I come home from work, I have to be the happy one, the supportive one, the one who cooks, cleans, and makes sure life keeps moving. She wants to do those things, but her depression makes it nearly impossible.
The thing is, I am struggling myself. I feel drained and like I am not getting the love, care, or support that I also need. Some days I even dread going back home after work, because I know the weight of everything waiting for me. On top of that, I feel like I am the one leading the relationship, making all the effort, carrying all the responsibilities, and I honestly cannot do it all on my own.
What makes it even harder is that I cannot fully open up to her about how badly I am doing. We had a conversation once where I shared a bit of what I was feeling, and after that she held back from sharing her own struggles, because she did not want to hurt me with her feelings. I do not want to lose the little bit of openness we still have, so I keep most of my feelings to myself. But that leaves me with no outlet, no safe space inside the relationship where I can be honest about my own pain.
Outside of the relationship, I do not really have close friends I feel comfortable turning to, and family is not an option. So I end up bottling everything up, trying to be strong for both of us while quietly falling apart myself.
I love her and I want to be there for her, but I feel like I am disappearing in the process. I just needed to say this out loud somewhere, and maybe hear from people who have been through something similar: how do you keep supporting someone you love without losing yourself in the process?
Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. It really means a lot just to be heard.
TL;DR: I, 23M, have been with my girlfriend (23F) for almost a year. She struggles with depression, and I feel like I am carrying the whole relationship by myself. I cannot fully share how much I am struggling because then she would stop opening up to me, so I am left with no outlet. I love her, but I feel drained, unsupported, and alone, and I do not know how to keep supporting her without losing myself