I saw his Snapchat and I looked through his phone.
I thought I finally found the one, and at almost 33, I was so excited and felt so blessed to find my forever person.
We’ve known each other for years and used to work together. After another failed relationship, I met up with him, not for a date, but to just play some darts.
He seemed a tad risky. He has a 10 year old from a previous relationship. I wasn’t sure I was ready for all of that, I had never dated someone with a kid before.
But it turned into something magical. We both fell so deeply in love, or so I thought.
His daughter loves me and got attached very quickly. Him and I spent every waking moment together. All day every day. We met each others families and friends. It’s been nothing but magic.
But then, he opened his Snapchat in front of me to watch his daughter’s story. I never questioned his online behavior. He gave me his phone password very early on, without me asking. Told me I can check his phone if I ever feel insecure about something, without me even asking.
I also shared my password with him. I had never done such a thing in a relationship before. I felt safe, and I had never in my life experienced a more solid and in depth connection. And I was in an 8 year relationship before.
When he went to all of his Snapchat’s, I saw a ton that he had sent to other women. And I’m talking like 15 other women per day, for the entirety of our relationship.
With three of the women, he had a “streak” of 185 days. Which means he had to send multiple back and forth images per day.
At first, I only noticed one streak. He claimed these women are friends, and he’s allowed to have friends. But in my opinion exchanging images every day with this many women crosses the line when you’re in a relationship.
I explained how this made me feel, and that this is a boundary for me. He promised the images he sends are “harmless” and claimed that the 185 day streak is with a women who is married and has 3 kids, that lives in another state and that he met her through streaming.
He opened the image she sent him in front of me. It was a picture of food. He then told me that he messaged her and told her he cannot have a streak with her anymore out of respect for our relationship.
He then admitted that her husband also was upset about their Snapchat relationship, and that he had to call the husband and explain. I was baffled. A married woman exchanging pictures on the daily with another man. They had to explain this to the husband. And he thought I would be ok with it?
He also never mentioned these “friends” before and gave me zero answers about the other 15 women he was constantly messaging. He let me scroll and I saw that this went back months. But he apologized and claimed he fixed the issue.
But he didn’t delete any of these women.
Then, he slept over. I had a gut feeling, and finally looked through his phone.
He has a 185 day streak with two additional women. One of them had sent him a ton of pictures. I opened them. It was an obese woman with a buzz cut who sent him half naked images of herself.
The last woman with the streak, the third one, sent him pretty basic pictures. But I scrolled through the chats that were saved and he had sent her his address before we started dating, so I knew they were connected before.
I then looked through the rest of Snapchat. He follows multiple 🌽 pages. The story lost of his friends is nearly all half naked women.
He also chats and sends images to 20 women per day in total.
I then went to Instagram. His search history are also the same “spicy” pages. He also sent messages to women on Instagram, but all of them were before we started dating. He was trying to shoot his shot and none of them were answering.
I looked through his texts too. By now my hands were shaking. On average, he texts about 30 people per day. A lot of them are the moms of his daughter’s friends, and the conversations have nothing to do with any of their daughters.
I’m ready to leave him over this. To me, this is 100% cheating. Not only that, he saw me shed tears when I first saw this, and thought that telling ONE of the women he can no longer have a streak with them was enough, but he didn’t delete them nor did he tell the obese woman to stop sending him half naked images of herself.
I’m so hurt and lost. All of those sweet moments we had together were BS – he was looking at these images that were sent to him every time I left the room.
He claims he is allowed to have female friends, that this isn’t cheating, and that those images are harmless. To me, there is nothing harmless about receiving naked images from other women, not talking to that many women per day.
Would you consider this cheating? I think it is.