I (32F) have been dating my boyfriend (44M) for a few months now. Things have been great, but one thing that makes me nervous is his ex girlfriend.
My boyfriend dated her about three years and lived with her and her three kids (that she had from prior relationships). They don’t have kids together and they broke up three years ago and live in different states now.
My boyfriend told me that his ex went through a lot of trauma with her ex boyfriends/fathers of her children. I really feel bad for her based on what he told me, but it feels like she’s taking advantage of his kindness and using excuses to stay in touch. It makes me feel like my boyfriend is holding space for her and doesn’t have room for someone new.
For example, he’s talking about wanting to marry me, but he lets his ex’s daughter still use his YouTube premium account, and she was on his Amazon video and Netflix accounts until recently. The daughter accidentally bought a movie, so he had to text the ex to ask her about it. Things like that keep happening, another thing is she texted him to say a piece of mail was sent to their old house.
It’s small things that by themselves don’t seem big, but when they’re happening regularly it seems like the door is being left open intentionally.
She also texted him recently to say her daughter kept saying she missed him, and they were going to come visit with the sole purpose of seeing him.
Does it seem like he’s still leaving the door open for her? It makes me feel like there isn’t space for me.
Edit: He doesn’t have current relationships with the kids, he doesn’t see them or talk to them or text them. I asked him and said if he truly felt like a stepfather figure, I wouldn’t want to get in the way of that. But he hasn’t seen the kids in a few years and hasn’t talked to them, he only communicates with the ex girlfriend. That’s why I found it weird they wanted to come visit. It seems to me that would be confusing for the daughter and the other kids.