For example if I dress well and my hair style is good, I tend to notice more attention or make more eye contact with total strangers who are female(even if I’m completely delusional), my confidence is boosted and I at least feel a sigh of relief.
Knowing that it’s completely reliant on my diligence and hard work (meaning that even if I don’t have such attention, there’s no reason to feel down because I can always have it back) doesn’t change my mood swing according to the degree or amount of attention I think I’m having.
Does this happen to other men too?
Is my self-esteem low?
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I don’t care. I have good money. And, I make good money. I’m smart too. I spend most of my time alone.
🙂
So what you’ll want to develop is confidence in something else that’s more a display of skill or knowledge. As well as confidence in your inner self that you’re OK with who you are even on off days when you don’t feel like putting effort into your appearance.
Happens to me. I find it generally remains with those who were seen as uncool or not desired while younger. Thus producing a desire for validation.
Part of the reason i go to the gym now is vanity, and i shouldn’t be afraid to acknowledge that. I like it when people comment that it looks like i’m more muscular, especially compared to when i was teased for being small growing up.
Definitely same at 34. Along the validation it creates, it’s also a feeling a freedom. Being able to have choices and opportunities with girls makes me feel more free and secure in my life and choices, which adds to me being comfortable alone too if needed.
Everyone’s confidence comes from how they’re seen, what are you saying? If it didn’t matter what people thought we’d be living in some weird nightmare society with no rules.
38 here. Comfy in career, financials, family. My confidence is detached with how I look, corporate casual or looking like a homeless bum in a hoody.
Not sure at what point I stopping caring so much. Maybe it’s a 40s thing or new parent thing
This is totally natural. Of course women would like a stylishly dressed man, and knowing you’re presenting well is going to give you confidence. I feel the same.
I don’t quite understand your second paragraph, could you clarify?
Much to unpack.
Of course your physical appearance is important — it should be.
But ‘physical presence’ is far more important than ‘hairstyle’ (looking pretty).
The more you develop core attributes like confidence, strong presentation skills and muscle mass, the less you need (or care for) surface-level attributes like a fancy hairstyle and designer clothes.
This is the reality for the majority of people around you. Why do you think we wear nice designer clothes, go to nice restaurants, buy new fancy cars, bigger houses, latest mobile phones costing thousands, post vacation pictures on social media on how happy we are etc. etc. Why is the beauty and apparel industry so big? etc. etc.
If nobody cared (talking about both – yourself and others) – most of these things would stop existing. If nobody cared we would all live in small boxes, drived a generic noname car, had a noname phone, clothes, makeup wouldn’t exist, designer clothes wouldnt exist etc etc.
Its mostly about how we feel and our feeling how others see us. And yes, on some instinctive level its a competition amongst men and females to be better looking, more successful to be better amongst your kind and attract better prospects from the opposite sex.
I’m 37 and married and went out in a shirt yesterday that I thought looked good. Got about halfway through the day before I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and thought I looked like a homeless guy and the difference in my confidence for the rest of the day was intense. This is just an example. It can be my complexion, my hair, feeling bloated that day, anything.
From how other men talk, I don’t think it’s common to be like this, but you’re not the only one.