I don't want to go too deep into our issues in this post, but I will say that we both have difficulty with avoidant behavior so our issues have gone unaddressed for years.
We have seriously discussed issues through messaging a few times recently, which is how I suggested counseling and he reluctantly agreed.
The documents: A year ago I started noting times when he said or did something that hurt my feelings and how I felt, just for myself to gain understanding. In the last week I've made spreadsheets charting the imbalance of household responsibilities and income contributions, and a chart showing the ideal household responsibility distribution for me. I also wrote up a document that summarizes the changes that I need to make and my husband needs to make for me to be happy with our relationship.
My concern: If I show up with all these documents my husband will feel like he's being put on trial. Our relationship is already hugely imbalanced with me doing the majority and I'm the one who initiated counseling. Am I being too much? I want the docs to help fight my nerves so I will say what I want to say and not get my words mixed up, but I dont want something that helps me to lead him to shut down.