This tension between my family and husband comes at the worst timing. I'm two weeks postpartum after giving birth to our daughter and I'm currently going through postpartum depression and adjusting to Mom life after having a somewhat absent husband after the birth of our daughter.
For back context, my husband has stomach cancer and throughout our relationship the cancer card has always been thrown on the table everytime we have an argument about something. I find he uses the excuse "I'm in so much pain..", "I'm dying in a few months", and "I can barely stand or do anything right now" as his excuses for not pulling his weight in our relationship as his cancer seemingly seems to be getting worse according to him. I've never doubted he has cancer or that he's dying, but he uses that as an excuse to get out doing things. Not only has he used these excuses with me but has said these same excuses to my family.
My family are at the point that they're sick and tired hearing him say "I'm dying of cancer… I'm in so much pain". They're calling him a broken record player. A this point they don't care if he dies or not. They're just tired of seeing him not step up as a husband and Father.
The breaking point for my family with my husband was when he was making multiple excuses to not be there with me through the birth of our daughter due to his stomach pains. He's told my Mother he can barely stand for 15 minutes let alone stay overnight with me at the hospital. My husband and I had a discussion before I went into labor asking him to please check on me and be there for me and he gave me attitude about not being able to stay with me through my labor because of his stomach pains. This is an excuse I've gotten for basically everything I've asked him to do. Whether it's to go out to dinner sometimes, do something fun with a friend, or simply to just run errands with me he has me do a lot of the physical load of the relationship because he says he's in so much pain to do this basic tasks.
Weirdly though he has no issues bending over backwards for his boss and attending to work and going on buisness trips. Anytime his boss calls or needs him to attend to work things he drops everything to get things done. He left for a work trip a few days after I discharged from the hospital that he mentioned to me last minute. That really upset my family despite him telling me it was "bad timing" with the baby coming days before his work trip.
Throughout the time I found out I was pregnant to when my water broke I did a lot of the physical labors of our relationship. Even in all the physical pain I was feeling at nine months pregnant I always tried my best to make him happy. I bought us food, I cooked many hot meals for him, bought him things he needed, always checked in on him to see if he was okay physically and mentally. I feel at times I've exhausted all my efforts to be a good wife to him. It's not that he never returned the favor back it's that it was very few in between.
He has some financial issues and can't provide more, some mental issues due to his depression from his worsening cancer diagnosis, PTSD from a horrible ex wife, and can just get into an extremly negative headspace and wanting to end his life.
Last night, my Father, Mother, and Brother all came to met telling me that they're fed up with my husband. They are highly advising kicking him out and ending our relationship and focusing on raising our daughter.
As a FTM and 2 weeks postpartum I'm terrified of leaving and having my daughter have no memory of my husband. More than anything I just wanted him to love our daughter and be there for her with whatever little time he has left in this world to cherish the moments with our newborn, but instead he priortizes his boss and working. He gives me promises of being better and "work will get better" and he can spend time with our daughter more but my family is very doubtful he will ever change.
Despite all the stress and tension with my family and my husband, I still find it in my heart to love him. I do still love my husband very much and would like him to change and step up as a husband and Father for us. I don't feel okay just kicking him out and ending our marriage. I have a lot of anxiety and stress about him not changing and proving to my family he is a good man and wants to provide for his daughter before he's gone from the world.
He says he loves me and our daughter but I just haven't seen the actions. I know that he does love us but overwhelmed with work and life.
I'm currently at crossroads with my marriage right now. I completely understand how frustrated my family feels about his actions but also I can't kick him out and let him die either.
I feel a lot of mixed emotions about him.
Given all the circumstances is it in my best interest and my daughter's to leave him like my family says or try and work things out with him?