I want to be upfront: I’m looking for advice here, not to judge.
I’m 30M and have been dating my 25F girlfriend for almost a year. Things started off great. We met at work, liked each other, and everything developed naturally. As I got to know her, I learned more about her past. She had a very difficult childhood both parents essentially abandoned her, her mom was abusive, and her dad remarried. She ended up living with relatives but was treated more like a servant than family. Despite all that, she pushed through, put herself through college, and built a solid career. I really admire her resilience.
Most of the relatives she was close to have passed away. She has one sibling, but that relationship is strained due to trauma and immaturity. She also cut ties with old friends who became toxic, while others drifted apart. In reality, I’ve realized I might be the only close person she really has.
For context, my childhood wasn’t perfect either, there was some abuse but I worked hard to repair those relationships. Now I’m close with my parents and siblings, and I have a strong circle of friends. In nearly a year, I haven’t met anyone from her life, while she has met my friends and wants to meet my family.
Our lifestyles are also quite different. She’s introverted, prefers staying in with her cats, reading, or watching movies. She’s smart, loyal, and avoids the party/club scene. She does yoga occasionally, but she’s not into fitness or physical activity in general. I’m more active, I work out consistently, stay focused on my career, and make time for my social circle.
What worries me is that she doesn’t seem motivated when it comes to fitness, activity, or making new connections. She says she’s introverted, and while she would like to have more friends, she isn’t really doing anything to build those connections.
She has mentioned PTSD, anxiety, depression, and possibly autism (not diagnosed). She says she’s fine, doesn’t feel like she needs therapy, and has only had some through social services when she was younger. She loves me, wants to build a life with me, and I care about her deeply. But I can’t shake this gut feeling that if we move in together or take the next step, I might end up carrying more of the emotional weight than I can handle.
I’ve been in a similar relationship before where I became my partner’s entire emotional pillar. Over time, I felt like I had the more fulfilling life, while also being the one who had to plan and organize everything. I worry this could happen again.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you know if what I’m feeling is just normal nerves about the future, or a sign of deeper incompatibility?