Sorry you've experienced the feelings that you described. I imagine those feelings are painful because they're are part of how you exist. My feelings is it that your feelings are a form of not having affirmation-that you're ok-at some point in your early development. Followed by seeing yourself in your family and seeing they're ok anf accepting yourself to be ok too. For whatever it's worth maybe take account of all the wonderful traits, strengths, and skills you have and affirm yourself. We all are human and sometimes let doubt gets the best of us by the negative narratives we let live in our minds. Best going forward!