I have a lot of friends, but all I wish for is a close friend who can compensate me for my family and the world. When I get attached to someone and give them everything, I feel that they don’t respond in kind, and I feel like I’m a burden. All I wish for is a close friend. When I escape from this world, I resort to him, and I also wait for him to take the initiative. Currently, I have this person, but he can’t show his feelings, so I’ve come to believe that I’m a burden on him and that I’m not a good person..
I also feel that I am his last priority and he is my first priority and sometimes I blame myself because I am the one who did this and that I am the one who put him here, but on the other hand I feel that I did not give him more chances and that I do not want to lose him. I just need him by my side because he is the only person I can talk to honestly and show my feelings in front of. Everyone sees me happy except him, and I cannot pretend to be happy in front of him.
I also fear that what happened in the past will happen when I get attached to a friend of mine and he suddenly becomes everything to me and I don’t find him and he disappears from my life and treats me badly. If it weren’t for my friends being around me and them knowing that I was the best person to him, especially in Arab society, then when a man gets close to another man, even if it’s just friendship, people don’t see it as anything but perversion. This is what worries me, that I’m not like this, but I see it like this because of my naivety.